Oscar Winners 2009

I know I havent blogged in a while... and I promise to explain it all soon... but in the meantime I will leave you with my Oscar predictions for this year:

Richard Jenkins - THE VISITOR

Frank Langella - FROST/NIXON

Sean Penn - MILK

Brad Pitt - THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON

Mickey Rourke - THE WRESTLER

This is a great list of actors and the favorite is Penn for is amazing immersion into Gay Politico Harvey Milk. Both Jenkins and Langella gave performances of a lifetime this year, and Brad Pitt reminded us all why we loved him so much. However, the academy voters are suckers for a story and this year they have been given a rare opportunity to travel back in time twenty years and save their prodigal son. Which is why the feel good vote this year will go to Mickey Rourke.

Josh Brolin - MILK

Robert Downey Jr. - TROPIC THUNDER

Philip Seymour Hoffman - DOUBT

Heath Ledger - THE DARK KNIGHT

Michael Shannon - REVOLUTIONARY ROAD

Hoffman and Brolin, while both brilliant actors, are the usual suspects filling out the line up this year while the honor of being nominated will go to Shannon. I love that the Academy voters nominated Downey, and in my heart of hearts I wish he could win. His recent resurrection, however, pales in comparison to the very real loss of death. And since it is one of the first awards to go in the line-up, we will be getting the sad victory out of the way at the get go. Thanks for everything, Heath Ledger.

Anne Hathaway - RACHEL GETTING MARRIED

Angelina Jolie - CHANGELING

Melissa Leo - FROZEN RIVER

Meryl Streep - DOUBT

Kate Winslet - THE READER

Oh how I wish Ann Hathaway would walk with the statue this year. Who doesn't love her? While Jolie was mesmerizing in The Changeling it is a performance that everyone stopped talking about months ago. Melissa Leo has the honor of being nominated this year, and for her 15th nomination in 30 years Meryl Streep is showing us what we can expect in the future from this years winner Kate Winslet, who after being nominated 6 times in 13 years should finally get her first damned Oscar.

Amy Adams - DOUBT

Penélope Cruz - VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA

Viola Davis - DOUBT

Taraji P. Henson - THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON

Marisa Tomei - THE WRESTLER

One best supporting actress Oscar winner; Tomei. One two time best supporting actress nominee; Adams. One best actress nominee; Cruz. And two " that one girl from that one thing...", Henson and Davis. This race is always a toss up, hence Oscar winner Tomei for "My Cousin Vinny"?!!? But this year I think the vote will go to Penelope Cruz. Every time she speaks her own language in a movie, she is phenomenal. I think she will win because of "Volver".

BOLT
KUNG FU PANDA

WALL-E

I think Entertainment Weekly put this race best when they said... "um... yeah. WALL-E". Personally I think it should have been nominated for best picture... but thats just me.

CHANGELING

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON

THE DARK KNIGHT

THE DUCHESS

REVOLUTIONARY ROAD

I know... what the hell is this category even about... right? There are several categories that make people just go... what is that?? I will try to explain what they are for. Well, here it is boiled down to it's bare bones: The Art Director controls every visual aspect of a film, from set, to props to costumes. Typically this award tends to go for period pieces and musicals. With this line up I would say The Duchess and The Changeling were tied for second place, but the clear winner will be Benjamin Button if for no other reason than they had to differentiate the passing of a century.

CHANGELING

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON

THE DARK KNIGHT

THE READER

SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE

Another category that stumps most people outside of the Hollywood limelight is Cinematography... what is it exactly? The Cinematographer is responsible for all lighting, lens choices, composition, exposure, filtration, film selection and basically the overall visual effects. The best way to think about this category is; which film made the most interesting photograph. So, with that in mind, I would say that Benjamin Button and The Dark Knight will duke it out.

AUSTRALIA

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON

THE DUCHESS

MILK

REVOLUTIONARY ROAD

This category is as obvious as it sounds... best costumes. Typically the academy voters have picked period pieces and fantasy movies over modern movies like Milk and Revolutionary Road. I would say the front runners are Benjamin Button and The Duchess with the later taking home what may be it's only award of the night.

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON

FROST/NIXON

MILK

THE READER

SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE

This is a really tough race to call. David Fincher who made Benjamin Button, Zodiac, Fight Club, The Game, Se7en and has never been nominated. Ron Howard who has already won in this category for A Beautiful Mind. Gus Van Sant who makes some really stunning quiet independent movies that are always on the awards lists (Elephant, My Own Private Idaho, To Die For, Drugstore Cowboy), and was nominated in this category once before with Good Will Hunting (I truly think Gus deserves to win the most). Stephen Daldry, whose last two movies (The Hours, Billy Elliott) also got him nominated. Meaning of the four movies he has made, three have gotten him nominated. And finally the fan favorite, Danny Boyle who has brought us Trainspotting, A Life Less Ordinary, 28 Days Later and Sunshine is up for his first Oscar.

THE BETRAYAL (NERAKHOON)

ENCOUNTERS AT THE END OF THE WORLD

THE GARDEN

MAN ON WIRE

TROUBLE THE WATER

Every now and then I like a good documentary. Of these five, three speak to me, and mind you, I have seen none of them. Werner Herzog is a respected name and that may win some votes, but the subject matter doesn't pull you in as much as Trouble The Water. A woman holding on for her life managed to keep her camera rolling through Katrina and the life after. Man On Wire is the most buzzed about, but mostly due to one silent moment near the end when a man walks a line across our still healing past, suspended above New York between what were once two great towers.

THE CONSCIENCE OF NHEM EN

THE FINAL INCH

SMILE PINKI

THE WITNESS - FROM THE BALCONY OF ROOM 306

The way this award usually works is either it is the most heartbreaking subject matter imaginable and everyone votes for it when they read the synopsis, or, they vote for the one that every one is talking about (which happens a lot in the smaller categories). In this race, two are feel good, helping people shorts, one is a mans recollection of the MLK assassination, which may help its chances in this historic year. The one the will win however is the most heartbreaking, The Conscience of Nhem En is about a sixteen-year-old soldier who was instructed to photograph the tens of thousands of citizens who passed through a processing center on the way to their execution.

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON

THE DARK KNIGHT

FROST/NIXON

MILK

SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE

This one again, just as it sounds. The movie with the most layers and most seamless transitions wins... In this race it comes down to The Dark Knight vs. Benjamin Button again. But Slumdog Millionaire could split their votes.

The Baader Meinhof Complex

The Class

Departures

Revanche

Waltz With Bashir

This race has two movies that stand alone. The Class is a year in the life of a French middle school classroom that has some inventive takes on teaching, and Waltz With Bashir, an animated diary of a soldiers search for his forgotten past through war torn 80's Israel.

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON

THE DARK KNIGHT

HELLBOY II: THE GOLDEN ARMY

I would give this award to The Dark Knight, if for no other reason than with just makeup alone they created a new horrifying iconic look for an old Hollywood standard.

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON

DEFIANCE

MILK

SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE

WALL-E

This category not only covers all the music written for the movie, but also the selection of songs written by other artists. The only type of music that is excluded from this category is the original song. Though Slumdog is the favorite in many categories, here is will be between Danny Elfman (he has been nominated four times with no wins) for Milk, And Thomas Newman (he has been nominated ten times with no wins) for WALL-E.

"Down to Earth" - WALL-E

"Jai Ho" - SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE

"O Saya" - SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE

Again, this vote will go the opposite way of Best Score. If Slumdog takes Score, WALL-E will take Song. If WALL-E wins Score (which is what I think will happen, I mean no talking till halfway through the movie!) Than Jai Ho will win Best Song.

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON

FROST/NIXON

MILK

THE READER

SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE

As up in the air as this race is I think Slumdog Millionaire is going to take it. Milk and Benjamin Button are close. I think if Milk won it wouldn't be an upset. But if Benjamin Button wins over Slumdog it will be akin to Shakespeare in Love over Saving Private Ryan. An UPSET.

La Maison en Petits Cubes

LAVATORY - LOVESTORY

OKTAPODI

PRESTO

THIS WAY UP

This one I always take a shot in the dark on. It's between Lavatory - Lovestory and Presto. And judging by the history of love from the academy toward films with this kind of animation (a'la Wallace & Grommit) I am calling it for Presto.

AUF DER STRECKE (ON THE LINE)

MANON ON THE ASPHALT

NEW BOY

THE PIG

SPIELZEUGLAND (TOYLAND)

Again, this is one of those... wtf boring catergories, because, well really... where would the public get to see all of these shorts? I'm going to say New Boy takes the prize based soley on the fact that the academy loves to watch a cute kid go through struggle. Upset could go to ToyLand, cuz of that cute moptop german boy asking where the jew's toyland "camp" is... oy.

THE DARK KNIGHT

IRON MAN

SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE

WALL-E

WANTED

If you were wondering, Sound Editing is responsible for creating and recording every sound you hear in the movie and every word of dialogue, with the exception of the score and songs. The sound of the leaves to the marching of an army, they create and add all sound. Because somewhere deep down I feel like the academy wants to honor every movie, I am going to say that Iron Man will win. Although it could just as easily go to any of the other nominees... except Wanted... who bought that nomination???

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON

THE DARK KNIGHT

SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE

WALL-E

WANTED

Right along the same vein of Sound Editing is this completely redundant award for Sound Mixing which is... anyone... anyone... hello? It's an award to honor the guy that took all the recorded sounds, dialoge, voice over, ambiant music and sound effects and lays them down so that they overlap correctly so the movies sound is in sync with the visuals. Like the Editing Catergory one of these goes to the movie that wins everything, and the other one goes to the one that gets nothing. Which means this one is called for Slumdog Millionaire. And could be potentially be defeated by any of its compition... except Wanted... that movie sucked ass.

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON

THE DARK KNIGHT

IRON MAN

Visual Effects is for everything that wasnt in the shot when they shot it. Light, shadows, props, greenscreen, special effects. Basicaly you can think of this as the award for the best special effects. This is a toss up between Iron Man and The Dark Knight, but I'm going to call it for Batman... I'm sure the academy members feel a bit of shame over the omission in the best picture catergory.

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON

DOUBT

FROST/NIXON

THE READER

SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE

The way the best writing awards work is one goes to the Best Picture front runner and one goes to the underdog. In this catergory I think Slumdog Millionaire will win over Benjamin Button because it is also going to win best picture.

FROZEN RIVER

HAPPY-GO-LUCKY

IN BRUGES

MILK

WALL-E

Sadly I think this will be the only award for Milk. Dustin Lance Black found a way to bring this fifteen year passion project to the screen with his sharp witty script. The only upset I can think of is that because it was snubbed in every other catergory WALL-E could be given this years consolation prize.

Alright... thats it for me... the Oscars happen this Sunday and we shall all see who wins then... If I get it right... I better get a damn prize!!!

Hilarity Ensued: The Legend of Fort King

Growing up in a tiny town in the middle of the mountains does come with certain advantages. Among them a backyard full of potential adventure.

Kittredge is a small town with a population around seven hundred that lies almost thirty miles west of Denver in the heart of the Rocky Mountains. With it’s two stoplights and quiet town folk, if you yawned at the wrong moment you would miss the whole town. It contained at one time or another a laundry mat, a couple non-descript nameless bars, a couple thrift stores, an indoor miniature golf course, a four star restaurant named The Tivoli Deer, the Husky general store and gas station, the Hickory Dickory Dock bbq restaurant, and a two block long main street.

For two boys of a curious age, wilderness is always the first step into true adventure. Our first house in the mountains we called The Duplex. It was situated at the top of a short but very steep dirt driveway. Below the driveway was the hairpin turn of the road that led to main street, forming two valleys in which the kids of the neighborhood played. To the right was the ten foot jump into the valley in front of the Riggs place, with a little pond and grass and everything.

To the left was the thicket. Looking back, I would say it was probably about a hundred feet across at it’s thickest, coming to a point both at the beginning where the dam was, and at the other end where it went under the road and formed the Riggs pond. In this thicket the stream flowed slowly and the pines grew high and strong. And more than a few yielded hidden treasures placed at the top by a boy playing hide and seek.

When you went all the way through the thicket you came out onto a road that only had one ending. And it was never a pleasant ending. The owner of the property at the end of the road was known to pull over and yell at kids on his road. His family had money, and while we didn’t really understand all that stuff then, we were clearly from the wrong side of the creek for him.

But if you got through the thicket and got across the road without being seen, that was where the journey began for Fort King. Up the mountain about three hundred feet we came to what later became known as Fort One. A small rock formation that had a large jutting finger became instantly recognizable among the rest of the boulders strewn about the mountain, and for its sole vantage point overlooking the Husky general store.

A chain link fence ran the length of the rich man’s property and the only point where you could see that fence was above the empty lot next to the general store. A lot that in the summertime hosted the town carnival and artist booths, sat most of the year storing rocks and lumber or just plain empty, like someone took a scoop out of the hillside and put a fence on as frosting.

We would hold tight to the fence as we tried to swing around the corner of it and get to the free mountain beyond. Once, during this precarious move, one of our friends lost his grip on the fence and tumbled down the sheer side of the mountain landing in a pile of dirt in the empty lot next to the Husky. He got up, holding his arm, wiped his tears and said he was going home.

Not long after crossing the fence we came to a new vantage point, one high enough that we could look down at our sprawling mountain town. This became Fort Two, and the only way to know if you had reached it was to look down and see where you could see. These trips took the better part of the dog days of summer. Our parents worked full time jobs and we would get home after them having spent the entire morning and afternoon wandering the mountains.

Fort Three was the first rock formation on the top of the mountain. It was a sprawling site of rubble and trees and boulders and narrow places to hide and kings and knights and good and evil. This was where we spent most of those summer days. High atop a mountain at seventy six hundred feet, with views of not only our town, but the next town up the mountain from us, Evergreen, we played long into twilight hours when good boys should be home.

When my parents announced that we had finally purchased our very own home across town, my brother and I took it as a sign to visit the Forts one more time. That last time up the mountain we left in the morning around 10:00am and got to the top of Fort Three around one in the afternoon. This time though, Josh wanted to keep going, and see what was beyond Fort Three. Besides he reasoned, when would we be up on this particular mountain again?

Fort Four was about another hour along the top of the mountain. And to this day I couldn’t tell you what was so special about it. In fact the only thing I do remember about it was that from Fort Four we could see the combination of houses that had always enraptured and puzzled Josh and I… Deep down a long and winding pass called Kerr Gultch, nestled next door to each other as if in defiance of their sheer differences were The Glass Castle, and the Ice Cream Shack.

One a towering beautiful two story blond wood house with walls all made of glass and opulent white light emanating from within, the other a small one room log cabin with a small window on the front and what seemed like permanent frost on the chimney roof, and a big bright wooden sign hanging at the door: “ICE CREAM”. Attached to this very unusual home, was the stunning revelation that at one time, in the not so distant past, our own father, Chuck, had lived in this shack.

The move happened sometime in August, because we had barely settled in before we started getting ready for school to start again. Josh and I had settled into our (briefly) shared room as the last weekend before school started rolled around. Feeling nostalgic for the adventures we had left on the other end of town, Josh decided that Saturday would be the perfect day for the last adventure of summer.

That morning, Josh and I put out packs together, made sandwiches and filled our thermoses, as we set out to find the legendary Fort King. The front of our new house looked out onto South End road, and our back door looked up a mountain. We walked out the back door and took the long slow trek up the mountain. When we could finally see the beginning of sunlight signaling the top of the mountain we ran the rest of the way up and found ourselves standing on a dirt road. To the left stood a magnificent winter home of dark wood and floor to ceiling windows, and hanging above the front door was a sign that read simply Kittredge.

Because of the lack of any life, it was decided that this, was the home of the man who founded our town. And a subsequent tale of a lion hiding under the porch was invented to keep us away from the house. We turned the other way on the road and walked further on. Around the bend we came to some more houses that didn’t so much as look abandoned as much as they felt abandoned. We spent the better part of two hours looking around the houses, the unfinished out buildings, the boulders and the rocky structures.

When I heard Josh start screaming I jumped about a foot in the air. I started running toward the sound of his voice, not sure where he was, and even more scared that I couldn’t see him. I very narrowly avoided walking right over the edge of a cliff. I was running and not watching where I was going and just before I would have made that fatal step I looked down and saw a hand.

The sharp intake of breath stopped my forward momentum. As I looked from the hand holding the edge of the cliff to what lay beyond the cliff, my eyes plummeted about five hundred feet to the banks of the Bear Creek river below, and Josh barely hanging on to the edge. I very quickly sat down. I scooted my way closer to the edge while keeping as low to the ground as possible. I reached the hand and grabbed hold and started to pull.

Josh was pleading me to help him, to pull him back up. I was so scared I had all but forgotten to breathe. I grabbed Josh’s other hand and start backing up and trying to pull him up. Laying full on my stomach in the dirt, Josh snickered at me. I look up at him through my too long hair and he pulls his hands away from me. I gasp, thinking he is going to fall right to his death with nothing to hold on to. He points at me a laughs, and then while still dangling over the edge of the cliff, he stands up.

Because of the supreme wit in older brothering that he had inflicted on me by standing on that ledge and making me think that he was about to fall, Josh decided that this fort with it’s abandoned wealth, mystery, shelter, caves and other cool things should here for be known as Fort King.

Many times we played there, in stories of cowboys and criminals, superheroes and kings. At the top of the mountain above South End Road in the tiny mountain town of Kittredge overlooking the town, the neighboring Evergreen, the Rocky Mountains and somewhere in the west, barely visible on a clear day, the continental divide, lays a small outcropping of rock known as Fort King, it can be found high above the mansion on the hill and directly above the ninety degree turn of the Bear Creek River. Hiding somewhere in the caves and hidden places of that fort you will still find two boys playing.

To Wake From Sleeping

To Wake From Sleeping

Some things seem forever beyond my reach
Happiness and love, those things you can't teach
I've struggled for years to fight my way in
To get warmth, the heat, the passion within

A few short breaths were breathed into my soul
And made me forget that dark empty hole
A moment unlike any I've ever known
A second in which the secret was shown

Though brief and fleeting and gone all too soon
My heart awoke in its slumbering cocoon
A world revealed that I thought had been dead
I should never have believed the lies I said

What things did I say to make my heart numb
The lives passed up for not knowing the sum
I could have been happy a long time ago
Had I quit lying about what I don't know

Time now to awake from this world I've made
Rip up the tracks that my numbness has laid
The world is filled with things wondrous and new
Now that I've woken I've so much to do.

-Shane Joseph Kroll

Flora Social

Another new piece of art I made over thanksgiving weekend. I call it Flora Social.

It would appear that I can make art out of any old thing that I happen to have a lot of... This is made completely out of business cards that I have been given (including the cutout parts). I'll admit, I'm not that great an artist when we're talking about making a picture with paint. But I seem to have a knack with creating abstract sculptural art.

What do you think?

StarSquare

my new art piece...

My American Hero

In January of this year the street I live on traveled back in time thirty years as I watched from my window.


As the storefronts reverted back to the businesses that had closed their doors long ago, I found the streets lined with pristine cars from the 60's and 70's, and passers by wearing long hair, beards and clothes that went out of style somewhere around the same time the King finally left the building.

Just a few doors up the street from me, my friend Vlad's house was the center of a new universe: A Hollywood movie set. Vlad, you see, lives in the apartment once occupied by the owner of the camera store below. A man few outside of the LGBT community had ever heard of. The man named Harvey Milk.

Milk was one of the first openly gay men ever elected to a political office. Not only was he an engaging conversationalist and savvy politician, he also became a symbol for the community across the nation. His presence during what was one of the ugliest political campaigns against gay rights in the nations history gave hope to a community desperate for a leader.

That hope was lost to us in November of 1978. Only eight months after taking office Supervisor Harvey Milk and Mayor George Moscone were assassinated in their offices of city hall by fellow Supervisor Dan White. White was put on trial for the double homicide and thanks to what can only be described as one of the grossest miscarriages of justice in our history, he was given only six years in prison. If you ever wondered where the phrase "twinkie defense" came from, it was White's lawyers who concocted it to explain why White wasn't responsible, the sugar in the twinkies he ate made him do it.

When the all white heterosexual jury came back with their verdict and sentencing, the city went a little mad. The retaliation came swift from a community who was done being pulled out of bars in cuffs for being gay, done being treated as diseased lost souls and criminals, done being blackmailed and threatened and beaten because of their love. That night came to be know as the "White Night Riots".


Moscone and Milk were memorialized in city landmarks, The Harvey Milk Civil Rights Academy, busts in city hall, and until a clearly non-supportive Governor Schwarzenegger vetoed the bill, there was almost a day of remembrance. But for me, I felt like I was watching it happen all over again, only this time Harvey looked quite a bit like Sean Penn.


Director Gus Van Sant and Sean Penn came to the Castro district to honor one of the only true leaders the LGBT community has ever known, and sitting in the famed 1400 seat Castro theater this Monday night at the premiere of their movie MILK, I have to admit, they did a damn fine job.


Telling this story from the view point of Milk himself, and utilizing several of his most famous speeches, Van Sant has created an honest and moving look into a man few people (even in the gay community today) ever really knew. A man driven to better the corner of the world he occupied even as he foretold of his own assassination by saying: "If a bullet should enter my brain, let it destroy every closet door." Sean Penn is not in this movie. The man you see on the screen IS Harvey Milk. Flawed, inspired, silly, passionate and most importantly human.

This is the story of an American Hero. A man who stood up for what he believed was right and gave his life so that we could have the freedom to be. Coming on the heels of California's anti-gay Proposition 8, it is impossible to grasp the fact that we were more able to defeat discrimination thirty years ago than we are today.

It is just as difficult to watch someone step up and face down the hate spewing "Moral Majority" in 1978 by using logic and reason. It makes it all the more obvious what type of leader Milk was and how his eloquence had the power to unite our community like no one before or since. And it leaves us with the knowledge of how sorely he is missed and how desperately he is still needed.

This is not a "gay" movie. This is not a civil rights movie. This is not a political movie. It is simply the story of one Americans pursuit of happiness. Watch it and be inspired. If your really interested in the this story I highly recommend renting the 1984 Oscar winning documentary "The Life and Times of Harvey Milk".


Lastly, remember, change takes time. Until then, "You gotta give 'em hope".

A question of love

1. Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses, polyester, and birth control are not natural.
2. Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children. Infertile couples and old people cannot get legally married because the world needs more children.
3. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children because straight parents only raise straight children.
4. Straight marriage will be less meaningful, since Britney Spears's 55-hour just-for-fun marriage was meaningful.
5. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and it hasn't changed at all: women are property, Blacks can't marry Whites, and divorce is illegal.
6. Gay marriage should be decided by the people, not the courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have historically protected the rights of minorities.
7. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are always imposed on the entire country. That's why we only have one religion in America.
8. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people makes you tall.
9. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage license.
10. Children can never succeed without both male and female role models at home. That's why single parents are forbidden to raise children.
11. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to new social norms because we haven't adapted to cars or longer lifespans.
12. Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because a "separate but equal" institution is always constitutional. Separate schools for African-Americans worked just as well as separate marriages will for gays & lesbians.

Hilarity Ensued: A night on the town

I want to be able to remember my happiness and youth, long after I have grown past the point of easy recollection. In that vein, I have decided to write down my memories of childhood while they are still relatively recent. This will be part of an ongoing series called "Hilarity Ensued". While many of my childhood memories have a touch of the absurd, and quite a few of them are sublimely hilarious, some are very difficult, and some still elicit that thin line of emotion in the bottom of my eye.

A night on the town

My brother and I were pretty fearless in our youth. We did all kinds of crazy things that would have gotten us into serious trouble, turning poor mom's hair white, had we ever been caught. Sometimes when I look back on our youth, I am utterly amazed that we made it through alive and unharmed.

One of the only sleepovers I can recall from those years was at our friend Joey's house. Joey was mom's best friends son, and one of our only friends. Why we were spending the night and what we did prior to bedtime has left my mind over the years. But as is so often the case with adventurous little boys, the real adventure didn't start until long after we were supposed to be in bed.

It was around eleven thirty when Joey suggested it. We had been laying in bed joking and laughing at farts, when out of nowhere Joey says "You guys wanna go out?" Josh and I, looked from him to each other, and though my eyes said no, Josh's burned with the bright light of oncoming adventure. I knew better than to voice opposition when Josh had so clearly decided already. All I asked was that we not get caught and that we not split up.

Josh and I lived in the heart of the Rocky Mountains of Colorado in the tiny town of Kitteridge, population 700. Joey and his mom, Marge, lived in Denver, or rather in one of the many suburbs on the outskirts of the city. This was our first night sleeping in the city since we were six and seven, and since we were much older (a whopping ten and eleven), we agreed to explore the city streets after midnight.

Marge was still in the living room watching TV when we made up our mind, so while we waited for her to check on us one last time before going to bed. We got dressed and filled our pockets with things that only a child could explain while quietly preparing a plan. Joey suggested a route that would have taken us past a liquor store so we could get some candy. Josh, ever practical and possibly the most diabolical among us, nixed the idea, simply because who wouldn't question three little boys in a store alone after midnight?

Sometime after midnight Joey made the signal and we all laid down and feigned sleep. Through the narrowed slits of my eyes I watched as Marge opened the door, glanced around at all three of us, and then closed the door. I followed her with my ears as she shuffled down the hallway to her bedroom. When her door closed, Joey sat up and said we could leave in about 20 minutes (it took her about 15 to do her evening routine and then fall asleep, the other 5 minutes was just in case).

The three of us, all dressed in the darkest colors we had thought to bring with us, slunk past her bedroom door on the way to the front door. As soon as the door had been shut behind us, we all ran right out into the middle of the street. Joey led the way into the night as we explored the familiar streets at a time of day we had never seen. I stayed close between Joey and Josh so I wouldn't get lost in the night.

We wandered the streets for about an hour without anything eventful or exciting taking place. We had wandered over to a big church that lay at the center of an adjacent neighborhood, and there we sat to rest and decide what to do next. We were obliviously obvious sitting on the main stairwell leading up into the sanctuary, and I wasn't really paying attention to the conversation until they started arguing. When I tuned back in, I realized they were debating a car that was parallel parked halfway up the street that faced the front entrance of the church.

Josh said it looked like a cop car, while Joey held firm that it was just a car with a ski rack. I was about to chime in with my opinion when both of them froze mid-sentence. Someone had come out of the house and gotten into the drivers seat of the car in question. It was dark and impossible to tell if the man was in a uniform or normal clothes. The debate still hung on the air waiting for resolution, when the answer flooded the stairwell on which we were all perched.

The headlights went on and we were all blinded. "Ski rack" said Joey as he shielded his eyes. Then more lights seemed to come on as the side light and revolving red and white light illuminated us. "COPS!" yelled Josh. For one brief moment the three of us were stuck on the stairs. Then the car started to move and the flood light focused directly on us.

"RUN!" screamed Josh, and we did.

Joey was up and around the right side of the church before the word finished leaving Josh's lips, thinking maybe that they couldn't follow all of us, and that I was going to stick with Josh, he said as he ran "meet me at the back door". Josh and I booked around the left side of the building. The cop car decided to follow us.

Somehow I had pulled ahead of Josh in the race to not get caught. And though I heard him yell at me to not stop until I got to Joey's back door, I didn't hear him behind me. When I chanced a glance back over my shoulder I was already a block away from him. I saw him dive down into a stairwell on the side of the church just moments before the cops side light would have found him. I covered my mouth in terror and stopped running.

I was sure that he was caught. I saw where he hid from a block away and I knew the cops had to have seen him too. The cop car slowed to a crawl as the light scoured the side of the building, I guess you couldn't really see the stairs from the car. I slowly sneaked out from my hiding place and slowly wedged myself between two cars. I don't know where the nerve came from, but somehow I found myself standing in the middle of the road. As soon as I knew the cops had seen me and turned their attention away from Josh, I turned and ran.

To avoid immediate capture I ran around the first corner and then ran as fast as I could to get around the next corner. I was just getting to the second corner when the cop car turned onto the street behind me. They saw me and sped up a little bit. But I was too far ahead of them and I had a plan of my own. I turned the second corner and ran into the side yard of the first house on the right. I ran into the back yard, and poised myself just below their waist high chain link fence. I watched as the cops drove by and turned right to follow me. As soon as they turned and moved past their view of the side yard, I hopped over the fence and started running back to where I had been separated from Josh.

Only problem, he wasn't there anymore.

I sat near the spot I had last seen him, crouching in the stairwell in case the cops made a second run. They did, and I hid exactly where he had hid the first time. The cop car stopped in the same spot it had earlier, and the side light was aimed exactly three feet above me in the stairwell. Again, luck held out and they didn't get out of their car to explore. I was not foolish enough to think that I would avoid a third brush, so when they were out of sight again, I moved covertly in the direction that I though Joey lived.

Remember, I was 10. And though I had been to that neighborhood before, it was completely foreign to me that night. I wandered, looking for the familiar. Starting to get really scared and worried that I wouldn't be able to find the house again, I began to cry a bit. Just as the tears began to flow, someone ran into the street two block ahead of me.

Josh.

My tears immediately dried up as I ran to catch up with him. He, the consummate badass, casually strolled in my direction. Routinely checking for cars over his shoulder. We met in the middle of the street, and he looked at me and asked if I was ok, and how I had gotten away. As I was telling him how scared I was, and how the police had almost gotten me twice, we heard leaves rustling off to the right. Looking at the hedge that lined someones back yard we both were startled and relieved to see Joey emerge from the leaves.

We had all had just about enough adventure for one night and started heading back to the house. Since we had all been separated from each other, we took this moment to tell each other what we had just been through. Joey had run around the Church in the other direction and took a shortcut home through some back yards. There he had waited for us for what turned out to be the better part of an hour. When he finally got worried enough he took the same route back to the church, emerging magically out of the hedge of someones back yard.

All I remember about what Josh did was that he separated from me on purpose. Not because he wanted to ditch me, but for the exact same reason I stepped out in the road for the cop car to see me. To distract attention from the other brother. He had gone back to Joey's house to check, but when he saw I wasn't there, he circled the neighborhood, eventually returning to the church where I was looking for him.

We snuck back into the house as softly as we had left it, Joey pausing to listen to his mom snoring through the door. We were safe, and unsuspected. Though Josh and I had many more nights out on the town while the parents slept, this was the first of only two times that Joey joined us. The second... is another story...

Childhood without...

I feel sorry for the generations that have grown up in the last couple decades. In an age of instant gratification and thirty-minute everything, some things have been irreparably lost. The movement towards political correctness and standardization has led these new generations of kids into creativity-free lives of mediocrity.

My generation survived being born to mothers who smoked, drank, did drugs, took aspirin, and ate whatever they wanted while they were pregnant. And though we "know" these things are BAD, somehow entire generations born under these conditions have not only lived to tell the tale, but quite a few of them have prospered very well.

We were put to sleep on our bellies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking. As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of a pickup on a warm day was always a special treat, today it's against the law.

When I was a child, parents took the more active part in parenting. All those things I just mentioned we knew to be careful because our parents explained things. They knew to be more careful and observant because they payed attention and read books on childcare other than the bible. We have now begun raising generations of kids who honestly believe that someone else can be to blame for everything. And created for them with our laws, rules and litigiousness a world where no one has to think for themselves, and kids grow up believing what they are told.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this. We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and eggs, and drank Kool-aid made with sugar, but we weren't overweight because, WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING! We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day and we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes! After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem. We learned by trial and error, not by being told. We learned how to use reason and logic to solve problems all by ourselves. In school we learned how to think, not just how to memorize. We were taught philosophy and music, thereby developing self discipline, curiosity and logic. We were taught that religion was to feed our soul and books were to feed our brain.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no DVD's, no surround-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or chat rooms... We had friends that we played with, we had family activities that didn't involve the TV. We had to use a fast dying medium of imagination to entertain ourselves. It was not a chore or a punishment to sit and read a book. We had parents who taught us about the things they liked and encouraged us to create our own likes from nothing.

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever. We were given BB guns for our tenth birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not poke out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them! Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment, and learn how to get better with practice. The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

These previous generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever! The past fifty years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

The generations raised in the last twenty years have had too many things handed to them. They have lost music and philosophy as necessary thought disciplines. Replaced by school sports and religion. We have actually started teaching our children that people, including school teachers, are hell-bound liars for not teaching the same things that the parents faith teaches; instead of simply explaining the difference between faith and science. Parents today have taught their children to fight at the top of their lungs (in the name of god) against things like equality, acceptance and tolerance for all, while completely ignoring the bigger responsibility of teaching responsibility, respect, common decency, manners and dignity. Those are not subjects taught in school, and it is clear with the attitudes of the younger generations that they are not taught at home much anymore either.

Because of the way these children today are raised by their parents ignorance and irresponsibility, we now have the most violent, disrespectful and mediocre generation of young adults this country has ever seen. And they are dying by the thousands every year because we don't stop them and correct them out of fear of being sued or assaulted. I weep for the future, and pray I don't live long enough to see this generation come to any position of power.

Creatures of Memory and Habit, part 1

The first fundamental question is this:

Why would world governments and organized religions (that are allegedly based on love, compassion and acceptance) spend their time, money, and resources restricting the list of people who can and should adopt the worlds discarded children? While limiting the people who can adopt to a group of people that seldom do, and requiring a rigid judeo-christian family structure for all applicants. It's common knowledge that family's with children of their own rarely adopt more.

It's like we are saying to the people who want to care for children: "If you want to adopt children in this country, you must have a family structure exactly like the diagram here shows." We are telling them to convert to our nuclear christian religion or no child, as if it was a priveledge in the first place. With the sum of money that has been spent fighting about this petty argument of who is fit and who is not, we could have completely overhauled the entire foster care and adoption system. Sparing the current and future generations the pleasure of growing up in prison.

But this is not the real question.

How can we have entire generations of children to whom the foster care system and it's revolving door of faces act as mom and dad? Instead of focusing on who can't take care of these abandoned and given away children, why do we not instead ask; Who is having all these children and then throwing them away? Why do we regulate who cant have children and not who can? Why are there no legal or financial responsibilities placed on people who undertake the creation of life? Is creating them and leaving them somehow more socially acceptable than trying to take care of them and give them a stable home?

Why do these governments and religions not say "everyone must be responsible for giving these abandoned children stability and love." If you can raise a child and give it a stable home and provide all the basics like food, clothes, education, oppertunity and spirituality, than you should. Because it is better than being raised by a business.

Must we remain forever unmoveable in our individual faith and the minute details, yet so blind to it's greater meaning? Family IS important, all families. The Family of Humanity. Progress is recognizing that life has become bigger than a set of rules in a book. And evolution produces situations that the book never even concieved of. The governments have adapted, changing with the progression of society. Religion has stopped providing any new value. All that religion offeres is a two thousand year old structure that recognized nothing of the growth of the human race. How can any religion produce anything meaning full when all it's time is focused on the begining events? Will there be no middle, no growth? There was a time when religion was a new thing, and the people who wrote the great religious books decided what tales to include for the maximum future value. There has been no forward thinking since then.

That conundrum has brought us to where we are now. Religion is now focusing of what is present and how we have evolved and how it was not talked about two thousand years ago, and therefore must be bad. Thereby skewing the faithfull into a fight of not what is just and good, but who is right and who is wrong.

Life is not about punishing others for being different from you. This is the cause of division in the country right now. Everyone is focused on religion and it's hold on the political structue.

What the religious leaders need to remember is that this country is free for all. Not just free for the faithfull. And though they may feel right in their faith about something, it does not make it right for all. This country and it's rights are for all that dwell upon it's lands. Faith is there to give us guidance for a peacefull life and to lead us to a place of serenity. It is not to be used as a weapon against those that do not believe. It would benefit the religions of the world to remember their cause. Sticking to their rigid unwavering structure weakens their longeveity, causes unrest, and eventually provides no growth of the soul in terms of present day reality. Their primary responsibilty is to mind and care for the human soul and give us spiritual guidance. The laws of man (as has been so often misused by members of both religions and politicians) should have nothing to do with the tending to the soul and spirit of a person, and so too, those who tend to the souls of mankind should not be allowed to write the laws.

Can we take the lessons of the book. Can we put into practice the parts that would bring about peace and not just pay them lip service by preaching about them. Society has skewed into a negative reality. The focus has become the different, the bad and the wicked. The miracles, the great works go unnoticed in this our age of misdirection and spin.

It is time now, for a great new dawn in America. Let us stop from the petty fights, and turn our attention to the bigger pictures. Humanity is suffering everywhere. We have the knowledge and the where with all to fix these problems for good. We could erradicate hunger and famine. The human race has come to that point... Where we can come close to truly curing some of the longest problems mankind has ever faced. Let us stop with the in-fighting. Let us now, finally, get to work on the good and the just.