A little story, part 1

Once upon a time there was a boy…

This boy was very different from other boys. He never made any friends because he moved schools so often. By the time this boy got to High School it was his 12^th school…

Being that way made it very hard for the boy to make any lasting friendships. The only friend he had through all those years was a Big Brother. Now, Big Brother wasn’t counting or anything, but he made sure that he reminded this boy that he was in fact one year, two weeks, two days, and one hour older than the boy.

It was safe to say that the boy loved his Big Brother more than anything else. He even loved him more than playing outside! There was seldom a day when you could find one without the other. They were connected at the hip wherever they went. And if you ever looked for them, all you needed to find them was to follow the sound of little boys laughing.

One day, when the boy way 12, his Big Brother had a birthday. When Big Brother ripped open his presents, there was one that captured his attention more than all the others. It was given to him by the Loving Parents, and they were so happy when the look on his face gave away his excitement over the gift.

A Baseball Card Collecting set.

That day a dark cloud came into the sky for the little boy. For that was the day that his Big Brother stopped playing with him. His Big Brother wanted no more games of fantasy and make-believe. He only wanted the real game of Baseball. But the boy was never invited to join in this game. This game belonged only to Big Brother.

Shortly there after Big Brother took all of his toys and treasures of his childhood and he gave them to the boy, thinking it would be nice for them not to go to waste. But the boy hardly played with them anymore, all the heart seemed to go out of him because he no longer had his only friend. The Loving Parents tried to console him, but he just became sad and resentful.

This is when the little boy learned what hate was. Baseball had stolen the only friend the boy had ever known, and the boy swore that he would hate Baseball forever.

Across the Universe

Saturday afternoon I went to see a movie I have been waiting for since I first heard about it. The movie is called "Across the Universe" and it is a musical. There are people who by just throwing that word out there will automatically dismiss this movie. And I say... fine. Let them and their closed minds miss it... I will enjoy it regardless!!! HA!! Sorry, that was my snooty moment.



This movie is not a traditional musical in the way that Moulin Rouge was not a typical musical. That is to say that in traditional musicals when a song starts the story/action stops. In this movie the music is telling the story and the actors are singers (in the movie) and so when they sing it makes sense. The music is all written by the same band, and in case you didn't catch it from the title, that band is The Beatles. There are only 35 minutes of dialogue and over thirty Beatles songs that have been pieced together to help tell this story. A love story set in the sixties with sexual exploration, revolution, drug trips and Vietnam. Not a completely original story, but you have never seen it told quite like this before.



The movie stars a bunch of fresh faces and amazing singers. For a few of them, this is their first movie. For the more experienced ones, this is their first American movie. Littered with cameo's of household names like Bono, Joe Cocker, Selma Hayek and Eddie Izzard (Oh I wish he was a household name. He is my second favorite comedian after Ellen, trust me and rent his stand up, you wont regret it.) this movie still belongs solely to the unknowns.

The one that I haven't been able to get out of my head is the scene where T.V. Carpio sings my favorite Beatles song "I wanna hold your hand". She has a magnificent voice, but it is the twist that gets me the most. She is sitting on the bleachers of her high school in her cheerleading uniform singing this song not to the captain of the football team, but to his girlfriend one of the cheerleaders. It is an amazing scene, she walks out of the practice on her way to meet her destiny. And while she is walking and singing, she walks right through the football team while they are tackling each other and playing football.



The only one of the main characters that I know is Evan Rachel Wood, she plays Lucy. You would have seen her in "Running with scissors" or "The upside of anger". But what I know her best from is a small indie movie called "Thirteen". After seeing her in that, I knew she could act, but I had no idea she could sing. And boy, these people they cast can sing. I would have loved to see the casting process. The other main character Jude, is played by a brittish guy named Jim Sturgess and at this point I don't know whether to tell you to watch for him on the big screen or in record stores. He was awesome, and if he came out with an album, I would buy it.



I wont tell you much of the story except to tell you that I did cry once and laughed a whole lot, and at least two or three times I felt what an acid flashback must be like. If I had to give you something to compare this movie to I would say Forest Gump (story, and epic) + Moulin Rouge (music and dance) + Natural Born Killers (surrealism) + Brazil (funky twisted pchyhadelia). It is just something you should experience and I hate to say it, but you really should experience it in the theater. I am not someone who wont wait for video... in fact I usually wait for things to come to video. But there are some things that should be seen in the theater because of the immensity and scope and there is something to be said about being so immersed in a movie that you forget about the here and now.


Across the Universe is a brilliant movie. Go see it. Take a toke, sit back and be entertained.

So long old friend...

for a short while I loved you like you were mine
I knew you didn't feel it, there were certainly signs
I lied to myself for that small moment of lust
thought I could be your fall back if I could just...

then you were gone and my heart was destroyed
or thats what I told myself, could all just be a ploy
I wanted so desperately to know I could feel
lifetimes had past since I'd felt anything real

my most common emotion soon after you'd left
was bitter and stubborn and so often bereft
I stayed that way too long at the cost of good friends
it's clear now I was the cause for so many ends

years later I took notice of who I'd become
I was angry and hurtful and worst of all numb
I felt alone and ugly and altogether unwanted
you answered my call for support undaunted

years now we've been here in this same emotion
verging together in our humdrum harmonic motion
we have both become routine and I'm getting deja vu
so now when I see you, I don't want to see you

I'm just angry at you for so many reasons
when I voice this out loud it feels much like treason
I feel pain when I hear you seeping through the wall
it is the sound of us taking our final curtain call

you throw me excuses and all your vindications
all the while ignoring my obvious frustrations
I need you too, sometimes more than even you do
yet every time I say this the message goes askew

you always hold my heart, my love and my brother
you keep throwing it aside to go cruising for another
don't misunderstand, I'm not asking for you to love me
but when I need my best friend I'm not looking for three

here is the crux of all these words I've been spewing
I know I cant ask you to stop doing what your doing
but remember now, we all pay for what we do
you have found a new love now see what it cost you...


-me

Babysitting with Wayne

Wayne. Such a complete and total hippie. And one seriously weird night.

My parents, also total hippies, never really put that much stock in babysitters. My parents always left my brother and I alone for periods of time. We were latchkey kids. We were alone when we got home from school and managed not to kill ourselves. So Mom and Chuck figured that as long as one of us was looking out for the other we would be alright. And we were... mostly.


Needless to say, we were boys of an impressionable age. We were not the sit in front of the tv and kill time type of kids. Well, I was... but Josh always dragged me along on his adventures. And let me tell you, we have quite a few that would turn mom's hair white. But I am not here to talk about all those times. I wanted to get this specific night down.

I have no idea where my parents went that night... I don't know if they were going on a date or going to a concert. All I remember is that they got us a babysitter that night. We had to be about nine and ten years old. No ordinary babysitter either... my parents gave run of the house over to one of my dad's band-mates. The guitarist, Wayne. Now I have already told you that my dad is the king of corny. Well if you can imagine it Wayne was ten times weirder than Chuck. When it came to my dad, he had two boys to pull all his wackiness on. Wayne had no kids and used that night to vent some seriously wacky steam.

After my parents left it was kinda boring. Josh Wayne and I sat in the living room for a while watching tv. Nothing too exciting right? Well, round about 10:00 pm Wayne turns the tv off and tells us that it is time for bed. Josh and I go to our rooms to get into our pj's. We went back into the living room to beg Wayne to let us stay up a little bit longer. I think that may have been what pushed him over the edge. There were three exterior doors to the house we lived in then and a good thing there was, because as soon as we had finished our pleas this lopsided grin washed over Wayne's face and he reached for the light switch next to him.

Immediately the room was plunged into darkness and Wayne moved with a quickness that belied his 40 years of age. He got Josh immediately and had him down on the floor in a tickle attack. I let out a girlish scream and ran for it. I ran downstairs into my parents room and ran right into their closet. My mom had this really cool black cloak that I loved to wear all the time. So while in the closet I slipped it on thinking it would make it harder for Wayne to find me if I was dressed up in a black flowing cape... Shuttup I was nine years old!!!!

Well, no sooner had I slipped in on and gotten ready to leave the closet when the lights in my parents bedroom went out. I froze. Waiting to hear what would happen next I cowered down in the back corner of the closet where mom kept her pile of laundry. I piled it up over me and just stopped moving when the closet doors were yanked open. I held my breath. Wayne was standing there, doing this weird growling thing, and the only thought going through my head was "where is Josh, if I can get to Josh I will be safe". Wayne didn't see me. So when he turned back into the bedroom and started making his way over to my bedroom door I quietly started to inch my way out of the closet.

I tried to stay in the closet and out of his line of view for as long as I could. Finally he opened my bedroom door and stuck his head inside, while calling my name in a menacing tone. It was now or never, so I grab the cape around me so he wouldn't be able to grab it, and I made my run for it. I was around the bed before he realized I was behind him. The stairwell upstairs was behind the headboard of the bed and my bedroom door was on the wall opposite. There was one moment as I crossed the foot of the bed when I was a mere two feet from Wayne. Had he but turned a bit earlier he would have had me. But as my luck had it I got around the bed and halfway to the stairwell before he saw me.

Then it was on... He turned and growled my name and I ran. Up the stairs screaming, through the music room still screaming, into the living room and THUD!!!! Right into Josh. He had been hiding upstairs and had come running when I started to scream. "He's right behind me"!!!! I screamed as we both scrambled to our feet and made a beeline toward the front door. Out the front door just as Wayne came bounding into the living room growling and now both Josh and I were running and screaming like girls. We ran out into the yard and hid.

Now remember this is in the Colorado Rockies and there were trees everywhere to hide behind, not to mention the outhouse in the side yard. So Josh and I hid out in the yard and we covered up with the cape. See Josh thought the cape was a good idea too!!! There we stood for what seemed like hours. We kept moving from tree to tree trying to see what Wayne was doing inside the house. He was going through turning every light off. We were totally scared but having so much fun. After a while we couldn't find Wayne at all. All the lights had gone dark, and there wasn't a sound issuing from inside.


For a little while he would taunt us by flicking his lighter, or turning on a light really quick to try and throw us off. We circled the house many times that night. Until after a while everything was completely still. Josh and I were still trying to find where Wayne was in the house, but little did I know Josh had started coming up with a plan. And as his plans usually did... this plan called for me to be the bait. After a feeble attempt on my part to try and make him go in my stead I finally gave in and went along with his plan. Josh said that I could go in the front door, that Wayne wasn't in the living room. Josh said that he needed to know where in the house Wayne was and the only way to get Wayne to move was if he came after one of us.

I opened the front door fully expecting to be pounced upon. Josh was around the corner of the house watching through the window. I slowly crept inside and slipped the door shut. I stood there frozen long enough to make Josh tap the window and point toward the music room. I slowly started inching my way through the living room toward the doorway to the music room. I took one last look behind me toward Josh. He nodded vigorously for me to go in. I looked across the living room toward the door to the kitchen. If Wayne was hiding in there than two of my exits were already blocked. I would have to make it downstairs to the outside door in my parents room to get away from him. I was pretty sure the closet trick would only work once.

So, I took a big gulp and peeked around the corner into the music room. Wayne knew what he had been doing when he turned the lights off. This room was very dark with only a little light coming in through the porch windows. I blinked a couple times trying to force my eyes to adjust to the dark. After a couple more taps from Josh I finally took the first step into the music room. The piano was on the left and straight ahead were the shelves that blocked the stairwell down to my parents room. I paused to listen for anyone coming for me from the kitchen. No sounds came. My brothers bedroom door and the bathroom were on the right wall of the music room and I cautiously tip toed close to them to see if I could hear anything beyond the closed doors.

I got to where my brothers door was and leaned in. All the while I was looking around me to catch a glimpse of any movement. As I slipped past Josh's door and made my way toward the stairs that led downstairs I heard a sound and froze. I was breathing heavily through my mouth and my senses were in overdrive. I cautiously glanced over my shoulder to make sure that Wayne wasn't coming through any of the doors behind me. I didn't hear any more noise and I'm not sure if that made me more or less worried. After about a minute of holding my breath and waiting I finally decided to move again. I would continue on my mission downstairs and out that door. So I turned back to the stairwell. There on the floor, behind the bookshelf that hid the stairs down, was a human head.

As soon as I saw it my forward movement stopped. The eyes opened and locked on me. Then the head smiled, and I screamed. Then we were off. Wayne lept up from his place on the stairs and I turned tail and booked. Cape billowing behind me as I ran screaming at the top of my lungs. Into the living room Wanye mere feet behind me growling, screaming for Josh. Saying he was here... he was right behind me. I ran... as fast as my little nine year old legs would take me... up and over the couch as fast as I could to the door. I could hear Wayne coming around the couch. It would slow him down, but only by mere seconds. But hopefully it would be enough. I had reached the door. I grabbed the handle and gave it a hard yank. Nothing, it wouldn't budge.

I was still screaming. The door wouldn't open and Wayne was just a couple feet behind me. I expected his big hands to come down on my shoulder at any moment. I was still screaming and struggling with the door. I had a flash of the lock and I fumbled for where I thought it was on the door. It had been turned. Josh had locked me in! I was still screaming as I clicked the lock into the open position and threw the door open. When the little bit of light came in through the open door I risked a glance back and saw Wayne's hand inches from my shoulder. I ran, screaming through the front door. I didn't stop screaming until I got to the street and looked back to see no one behind me.

I stood there in the middle of the road catching my breath when Josh came into view. He had taken the other way around the house. He had been watching through the windows on the kitchen side of the living room and when he saw that I had made it out he sneaked around the house past the kitchen and came down to meet me. I was still in the road panting. Adrenaline was still pouring into my veins and I was mad!

"Why did you lock the door... you jerk, he almost had me!!"

"What are you talking about, I didn't lock the door. But watching you run screaming like that, man, I almost pissed my pants I was laughing so hard."

"Yeah, real funny... I know you locked the door so that I couldn't get out. I thought I was going to piss my pants I was so scared."

"Did you see where he was hiding?"

"See where he was hiding??? He just chased me through the entire house!!! Yeah I saw where he was hiding!!!"

Josh had started to think up ways that we could sneak up and attack Wayne. The leading option was to shimmy along the side of the wall about 10 feet up from the ground to the window that was over the stairs and putting the hose through the window and soaking him. We spent another half an hour trying to think of ways to retaliate. Finally the lights in the house started coming back on. Josh and I looked at each other. Was this another one of Wayne's tricks? But as if in answer to the unspoken question the front door swung open and Wayne came out onto the front porch.

"Josh, Shane... time to come inside. Your parents just called and they are on their way home. Should be here in less than 20 minutes. Come on, lets get this place cleaned up and get you two to bed before they get home. You were supposed to be in bed a few hours ago after all." We went inside and all three of us had a serious case of the giggles while we sped though a quick clean up. When the sprint cleaning was done the three of us collapsed on the couch still giggling.

"Man, Shane, you almost broke my nose when you threw the front door open like that. It brushed the tip of my nose. I barely stopped in time, I would have..." That was when Josh held his hand up. We all fell quiet. Then suddenly I could hear it to. Chucks car. It was at the end of the block. Josh and I had spent years memorizing the sound of our parents cars. After all, we were bad boys, misfits. With many many childhood adventures behind us. The three of us lept to our feet and before anyone said a word, Josh and I had sprinted from the room toward our bedrooms. Wayne sat back down and Josh and I had just gotten into bed when we heard the front door open.

Safe. Wayne covered for us, said we had been asleep for hours.

Beautiful Boys #03

The Beautiful David

Till the sun turns black

A while back I mentioned "Concept Albums" and my new found love of them. A concept album can be several things: an album where all the songs tell the same type of story; an album where all the songs tell one grand story; an album where all the songs have a theme; or an album where all the music is tied together somehow. These are just a few types of concept albums.

A concept album is a big undertaking. You wouldn't expect one from someone in the pop-music field. And traditionally they are only made by either established artists or artists who are just trying to make their own music and are not trying to sell a million albums. Some of the concept albums I have heard in the last year have been some of the most amazing music I have ever heard. And every time I have heard someone say what I am about to say I either cringe or roll my eyes, but it really does change the way you listen to music.



My first concept album was Ani Di Franco's "Reckoning". My friend Zak made me buy it and he made me promise NOT to listen to it... until I had the time to sit and listen to the whole thing all the way through. So, I didn't listen to it for about six months. When I finally put it in... I had to restart song one three times just so I could get her voice and intonation in my head. I wanted to understand what she was saying.

"Coming of age during the plague of Regan and Bush, watching capitalism gun down democracy, it had this funny effect on me, I guess." That is the first line you hear on that album and it just keeps getting better and more personal. But personal in such a way that it is personal for me too... I feel what she feels. It is not possible for me to explain the feelings and thoughts that I get when listening to this album. All I can really say with any surety is that this is the music I wish I could make. Personal, powerful, beautiful and utterly unique. It sounds like she walked into the studio with her guitar and played straight through to the end of the album. You can hear musicians come and go, and at one point at the end of a very sad song, she just stops the music and talks herself into a better mood before moving right into the next song.

Her concept album "Reckoning" is about how the music and the lyrics make you feel, and how the songs are not traditional verse-verse-hook-chorus type of songs... they all seamlessly flow into each other. If you are looking to experience some new music and move away from the popcorn thumpa thumpa of todays music, this is the first album I would buy.



Another great concept album is "Impossible Dream" by Patty Griffin. The concept here is that all the songs are telling Patty's own story. Patty Griffin was a house wife. And she was happy doing nothing but making her husband happy. When she turned 30 he up and divorced her. She was so devastated that she had to start seeing a therapist and he told her that she needed to find something to take her mind off the divorce. So, she picks up a guitar for the first time in her life. Ten years later her fifth album "Impossible Dream" comes out and it is an amazing journey from the day she walked out of that house to where she currently finds herself. There is a moment between two of the songs that is divine in it's simplicity. As one song ends you hear this faint singing, you turn up the volume and realize the singing is an old couple taking turns singing "impossible dream" from the stage musical "Man of La Mancha". It makes it even more personal to learn that the old couple that is singing is actually Patty's parents. It sounds like Patty had a mini-tape recorder and just happened to press record one night while hanging out at her parents house.



A master of the concept album, and this may come as a surprise to some, is Bruce Springsteen. He has done a number of them from his latest "We shall overcome" to "The Ghost of Tom Joad". But the best one is the one he did first: "Nebraska". If you have ever seen the movie "Natural Born Killers" you know the basic story of the album. You see, that movie was based on actual events that took place in the 50's in Nebraska. Each song on the album is told through the point of view of someone directly involved. The girl who kills her parents has a song, even the neighbors have a song. But the two most powerful songs on the album are Highway Patrolman followed by State Trooper. These two songs are devastating when heard together. In the first one the highway patrolman is the killers brother and he is chasing him down. There is this great inner dialog he has with himself about just slowing down so that his brother can get away. And in the very next song it is the killers turn... he is singing about being chased by this state trooper/highway patrolman. Not knowing that the cop following him is actually his brother. And he keeps saying please don't stop me... if you stop me, I'll kill you.



The final concept album I think you should run out and buy is "Till the sun turns black" by Ray Lamontagne. It took me a while to find it... but this album tells one grand sweeping epic story. This is the one that I have had in my CD player since it came out last year. I will give you the story that I found (And remember that it is entirely my own. You may hear a completely different story).
01: Be here now - This is the beginning. We are introduced to a family. A mother and father, and two young sons, the older son is our protagonist. This song is the father's advice to his two sons. This song sets up the rest of the story. You can see the two boys growing into men during this song. It is like a mantra that the father drills into both of the boys heads, be here now. "Don't put your faith in walls cuz walls will only crush you, when they fall". But like the beginning of all great stories, there has to be tragedy. Near the end of the song, after all the singing is done I see the family in the car. The older son is driving, parents are in the back seat and the younger son is in the passenger seat. I see a drunk driver. The parents die. The younger brother ends up in a coma. Our protagonist walks away unharmed and destroyed. He feels responsible for their deaths.

02: Empty - This song starts with the sound of a storm. I picture we have jumped ahead a couple years. Our protagonist is now in his mid twenties and for the first time in his life he glimpses love. Her name is unimportant, you can pick one that you like. This is the song where he begins to heal from his family tragedy and starts to put faith in another person again. It is a wonderful love song. At the end of this song I see him in the graveyard with her. Walking away from his parents headstone for the first time without crying.

03: Barfly - Here they begin their life together. Going to the local watering hole, hanging out with their friends. Somewhere about halfway through the song we realize that our protagonist is an alcoholic. And so does his girlfriend. She tries to get him out of the bar, but I don't think he gets it. He doesn't understand why she isn't having as much fun as he is. By the time we get to the end of the song she is at home alone... waiting. He is in the bar, drinking. But there is a moment, with the last words he sings. The same words over and over again while staring at himself in the mirror behind the bar... "I'm going no where... I'm going no where". He gets it. He has been drowning his pain and his relationship is drowning.

04: Three more days - What does any reasonable adult do when they realize they have a problem? Hopefully they do what our protagonist does and checks into rehab. This song is his recovery. It's three more days until he comes home to his girl.

05: Can I stay - He has finished his stint at rehab and he is now sober. You can see him running home to her. She is already in bed when he gets there, so he tiptoes in, picks up his guitar sits down and plays her this song. It is amazingly romantic. It would melt the heart of anyone, seriously. I see people using this song as their wedding song. But if you are not careful, you will miss the surprise ending. Again, it is not anything that he says... it is just a feeling, and it makes perfect sense going into the next song. During the refrain of the song (about the last 20 seconds) you see her telling him yes he can spend the night. They cuddle up in bed and he drifts off with this look of peace on his face, while she lays there in his arms with her eyes open and tears flowing. You can see it in her eyes, it is over. The love is gone.

06: You can bring me flowers - When I'm dead and gone. He is pissed. She has just told him that it is over between them. This is his moment to rant and say every hurtful thing he can think of. He is convinced there is another man.

07: Gone away from me - After all the drama, he goes back to the bar. It is a huge struggle for him not to drink. This is his "oh poor me" time.

08: Lesson learned - If he is to remain sober he must have some completion with the relationship. So he goes to her to confront her. Instead he gets her best friend who gives it to him straight. It was not another man... it was the drinking. Halfway through the song the now-ex comes out of the other room where she was hiding. And they hammer it out. This is the end of their relationship, and after all the talking, all the bitching... you are pretty sure that they are both going to be ok. Then the phone rings...

09: Truly, madly, deeply - This song has no lyrics, and is only roughly 30 seconds long. But it reveals one of the most important things about the story. Something that all of us forgot. The younger brother wakes up.
10: Till the sun turns black - Walking away from the hospital after seeing his brother awake for the first time in a decade, you see through the lyrics. His eyes are finally open and you know he has never seen this world before. The completion of one relationship leads directly into the beginning of a new one, with his brother. And through the song you can hear him coming closer and closer to...

11: Within you - The epiphany moment. That one moment when in the blink of an eye, everything is different. It is in that moment that he realizes what is important and worth fighting for. And though this song starts with lyrics... it ends with just one word... sang over and over again until you find yourself singing along... love.


Buy these albums.


Oh... yeah... one more to buy. The grand master of Concept Albums: Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys. His album "Smile", if you listen to the whole thing... will make you do exactly that... smile, ear to ear.

Lazy Bear part 4

Sunday: I woke up Sunday just before noon... again. Walked into town and ran across Ryan the super hot Latin boy from Friday night, and ate breakfast with him. Jason found me and we got ready for the big blowout goodbye pool party. It was at this private estate with an Olympic size swimming pool and tennis courts and a yard big enough to contain the several hundred guys that showed up. It was a super-duper kick-ass pool party to end all pool parties. So much fun!!! I flirted wildly and said hi to everyone. It was like being in heaven. There was this porn star named Tober Brandt promoting something at one of the pool parties.. and I was droolin over him. I mean he is HOT!!! And then Jason dropped what will become the best line of the year when he noticed me checking out Tober. He said: "Yeah, the magic kinda dies when you've already had both your hands in him". I died, right there... in that moment, I died.


So Tober was at this pool party and we hung out with him a bit, I think at one point he threw Jason in the pool (then again, so did I). I got a little drunk at that pool party (I didn't drink that much over the weekend) and had a giggly good 'ol time. A lot of my friends and the new friends that I made that weekend were there so I was a total little butterfly!!! I cant stress enough how much fun the whole weekend was. I keep tying to express it, but it seems the words just don't show the feeling behind it. Lets put it this way: if I had died at the end of the weekend... I would have died happy and satisfied.

After the pool party ended Jason and I went to the Roadhouse Inn for dinner. I had one of the most amazing steaks ever!! Thanks Jason's mom and dad. Wouldn't want to be him when they get THAT bill!! Then Jason and I went back to the tent to chill for a little bit. We met this new group of guys while we were there, just hanging out at their tent. A couple of them were total grade a hotties and so Jason and I flirted. When it got a little later Jason went off to find Michael and Marco with the stipulation that we would meet up later. I stayed and kept hanging out with the boys. Danny (one of the boys) was a cute little latin boy with a lot of energy and I was instantly attracted to him. We chatted with the group for a while then went to my tent to cuddle (honestly!!!). While we were cuddling and chatting his friends decided to go eat. They then yelled out as they were leaving "You guys can have the tent now if you want to get it on!"


Klassy... with a capital K! Danny and I both giggled... then ran over into that tent. What?? It had an air mattress!!! I wont go into any grizzly details, cuz my mom reads this, but let me just say this. That little guy.... WORE ME THE HELL OUT!!!! I mean, yeah we went at it for a couple hours, and at one point Jason came looking for me, and I screamed out "I'll meet you at the dance". But how exactly I came to be in the condition I was in at the end of the escapade eludes me. After, we went and took a shower together... and this is the cutest thing... he stood under one shower head while I took the one next to it, same shower heads same height... mine, came to my nipples.... his... about six inches over his head. I had to bend over to get "under" the shower head. I told you he was a cute little thing!!!

So he and I get dressed and walk into town. We go to the big farewell dance to look for his friends and Jason. As soon as I walked in, I was ready to go. If you have ever been in a confined space with 500 sweaty heavy breathing men, you know what I am talking about. It was sooooo hot, and it soon became apparent to both of us that we were never going to find our friends in there. So we walked out and went down to the other bars to see if by some chance our friends were there... he found his. I never found Jason. In fact, I didn't see him for the rest of the weekend.


So Danny and his friend had to leave because they both worked in the morning. So we kissed goodbye and exchanged info and then he was off. I was still looking for Jason so I braved the weather and went back into the big dance. It was not going to happen for me that night, there was no way I was going to be in that heat in my weakened condition. So I ran around the dance floor looking for Jason. I ran around the main floor looking for Jason. I ran around the upstairs lounges looking for Jason. As you already know, I didn't find him. But I did find a bunch of the other hot guys that I had been hanging out with over the weekend. I went outside, hung out with the cute straight doorman for a little while. Made out with Ryan a little. Then headed back to the tent to crash. Seriously worn out... That sexcapade with Danny was one of the BEST!!! Maybe it was the E... I don't know.

Monday: I woke Monday morning to a tug on my foot. It was my Mark, Drew's (my food neighbor's) boyfriend. He was waking me up at 10:30 to ask if I wanted breakfast. Let me tell you... if they weren't a monogamous couple!!!!! Drew made Huevos Rancheros for breakfast and it was soooooooooooo good. We ate, then we all started taking our tents down and began the long arduous process of packing up and leaving. I didn't want to leave.

By the way, I should tell you about my tent. The night I got there it worked great, but over the next couple days the door zipper became more and more of a challenge until finally (sometime Saturday) it stopped working altogether. So for most of the weekend I was sleeping with my door wide open. At a normal camp site this wouldn't be a problem. But at a gay campsite with hundreds of horny men... it can turn into quite a big problem. Luckily when I set my tent up the school teacher made sure I turned the door away from the foot path. Had he not told me to do that I would have had a LOT more visitors. So when I took the tent down... it went directly into the trash can. I couldn't deal. Plus I wasn't going to haul around a busted crappy tent!


After all that I went up to the main house to check out. The same guy was there... and I asked him if he ever found my reservation. He shook his head no as I pulled out my wallet. I said, "oh well, what do I owe you?". He looked at me with this quizzical look and kinda smiled. I wasn't sure what he was smiling at so I handed him my credit card. He smiled a little bigger, waved away my card and said "Don't worry about it. Just come back to us next year, ok?" Seriously!!!! SWEET!!!! I got a free stay that would have cost me around $150. Yeah, that pretty much tells you how the whole weekend was.

So for the rest of the day I walked around a mostly abandoned town. Did a little shopping. Had a nice lunch. Ran into an old friend Diego and hung out with him for a little while. Honestly, by Monday I was so exhausted I wasn't up for much of anything. So I finally climbed into my fancy jeep and began the hour and a half drive home. I threw in some James Taylor for the drive. Didn't even mind being stuck behind slow stupid people on the freeway. It was the laziest lackadaisical day. And I was so worn out with happiness that all I could do was drive and smile.

Lazy Bear part 3

Saturday: I woke up Saturday, as usual, too late for breakfast. As I was walking down the main strip I heard someone call out my name... it was Jason (Derek Hanson), Michael Brandon and his boyfriend Marco and this lesbian they just met named Shannon. So I sat and ate with them. Shannon was actually in Santa Rosa for business and she had just decided to drive up to the river for some R&R. Little did she know. She actually hung out with them for most of the weekend! So the five of us strolled on over to the pool parties.


Jason and I tooled around flirting all day with everyone. We went to all four pool parties, Jason ran through the sprinklers playing red rover. Then we walked around the town and went to all the bars and then watched the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence do their very own special Bingo. I went back to camp to rest before the big party night. My neighbors made this amazing barb-q chicken sandwich that was so divine they made me another one to take home. Then I just kinda relaxed, sat on the dock, and took a nap.


That night Jason and I were all over the place. We went everywhere, including dinner with Micheal, Marco and Shannon. Micheal is such a sweetheart I totally get him as a kindred spirit. Then were were off to the pub crawl. In case you didn't know, Guernville has about seven different gay bars. Yeah... it is a total gay resort town! So Jason and I were literally in every bar for a while, we went to the bonfire for a while. We ended up at the Rainbow Cattle Company at the end of the night and met these guys from LA. They had come up to have a weekend in the country without knowing that it was Lazy Bear weekend. They stuck out a little too... I mean, the pretty boy Castro jock types don't really look right in the bear community. But we made them feel welcome, Jason shamelessly flirting with every one of them and them flirting back.


The whole gaggle of us then walked over to the triple r for some karaoke, but luckily they had just ended for the night. That is when the bars closed and Jason drove them home and I walked back to the camp ground. When I got there I ran into my friend Gabriel who is just cute as a button. He invited me to come over and hang out with his friends. We then started an impromptu campfire of our own. It was really cool because all the guys coming from the bars stopped by to hang for a little while. When I finally hit the sack I swear I could see the beginning of sunrise. But it was so worth it.

Lazy Bear part 2

Friday: Woke up at noon. God I do so love my sleep. Too late to have breakfast with my neighbors, but they make sure and let me know what time lunch is. So I wander on down to the dock and have my morning Mt. Dew while watching the trees and the bears swimming in the river. I walk around the camp (mind you, there were over 500 people camping on what essentially is the size of Duboce Park) meeting new people smiling at all the cute boys. It was so much fun. I went to the office to check in, but the guy couldn't find my reservation. I was like, crap, but I already set up my tent! He looked around a little more, but a line started forming behind me. So, he told me to come back the next day and he would look for my reservation. So I said I would and left to do some more wandering.


I considered going to all the pool parties that day, but decided against it. Instead I took my fantastic car and drove all the way to the top of Armstrong woods. It is an amazing view. Nothing compared to Mt. Diablo in Walnut Creek (second largest panoramic view in the world after Mt. Fuji), but still an amazing sight. Nothing but verdant green rolling hills covered with every kind of tree you can imagine. And the drive up is just so beautiful.


After the drive in that sweltering heat, I went back to the campground and ran right into the river. Had a great swim and chatted with the guys on the dock than went and showered and dressed. At the triple r there was an Underbear party (where people are invited to walk around in nothing but their underwear). It was so much fun... and yeah, there were a lot of guys that should have been wearing nothing but underwear. I ran into Yann and David from the Gay Mens Chorus and hung out with them. When I first walked in I literally ran directly into the Bare Chest Calendar men who were there promoting their 2007 calendar.


Well the one I ran into was named Jon and Jesus, he was soooooo hot! I backed up and said "oh excuse me", and this big grin flashed over his face and that was really it for me. He invited me to hang out with him and the other Bare Chest guys and we all had a blast. I walked around while they were hawking their wares and flirted shamelessly. I actually grew a set of balls just for the weekend. I did myself proud and actually spoke to most of the guys I was attracted to this weekend. Jon being one of them.


So we all left the Underbear party and went to club Fab where the Bare Chest guys were supposed to be go-go dancing. I danced and laughed and had a great time. I went out front for a smoke and as I was walking out the door this painfully hot latin muscle guy was walking in. He stopped right in front of me and got this animal look on his face as he smiled and growled at me. I smiled at him and he asked where I was going. "Out to smoke" I said. "I'm gonna come with you then" was his response. HELL YEAH!!!! Yeah, he was that hot. I went back into the club with him and made out with him... and did something naughty!!!! He and I hung out off and on all weekend!!!

Lazy Bear part 1

For those of you that read my blog and don't know what Lazy Bear is... I will give you a brief history. Every first weekend of August for the last 12 years the "Bear" community descends on the tiny little town of Guernville (aka: The Russian River). To give you an idea of the magnitude of this event all you need do is look at the population. Normally the population of Guernville is just over 1000 people, on lazy bear weekend the population jumps to over 6000. Yeah... it's that big.

For those of you who don't know what I mean when I say "Bear Community" I will explain that too. Because the gay community is so sexualized (ie. separated from the rest of the world because of the type of sex we have) the gay community has spent a lot of time labeling and separating themselves from each other, you have twinks, jocks, straight acting, queeny, drag queens, alternative guys, muscle queens, rice queens, dirty hot guys, etc... seriously... then there are all the guys that don't fit into any of those categories and the guys that are attracted to them.

A lot of these guys fit into what we call the "Bear" community. And even in the bear community we have separation: muscle bears, hairy guys, chubs, chasers, cubs, otters, wolves, super-chubs, admirers... and so on. In my experience, the bear community tends to be much more relaxed and friendly than the rest of the gay community. Based on the fact that they are clear that they are not everyone's type and so they typically don't make a move on you unless you show some interest.

This year was my third time going to Lazy Bear and it was the best one so far. My god. I could have died at the end of the weekend and it still would have been worth it!!! So now I will give you a recap of each day... and every sordid detail. Don't worry mom, you can still read it.



Thursday: I had planned on leaving Thursday morning at 10:00am, driving up early, getting set up and everything before the weekend rush... I got to the rental car place at about 10:15. Yeah, I know... totally not a morning person... There is a line. Of course. Not only is there a line... but it is not moving. At all. Dammit! So I wait. I get to the counter at about 10:45 and give them my reservation. I did this weird thing online with the car company. I couldn't spend a lot of money, but I knew I wouldn't fit in a compact or economy car. I had to get something midsize or larger. So in between economy and midsize they had this thing called wildcard. The price was right and they guaranteed a midsize or larger.

So they take their damn sweet time and I am just waiting... finally they call me back up to the counter. By this time it is already noon so I am starting to get peeved. Then she gives me the good news. I got a 2007 extended black jeep wrangler. Sweet!!! So I get the car... run home and finish packing. I get on the road at 3pm and have a nice relaxing drive up to the river.

I get there and set up my tent. The office is closed when I get there so I figure I will check-in in the morning. There is this nice HOT school teacher that helps me set up my tent and there is this cute couple camping next to me that brought the kitchen sink and invited me to all their meals. Sweet!!! The last two times I went up I went with friends and spent most of my time with them. So this time I went alone and camped alone so that I would be forced to meet new people.

I went into town and got my beartag, and yeah it came with some wild flirting. I then walked around the town and stopped by the pool parties. I hung out on the dock at the willows. That night I went out to the local gay bars the Rainbow Cattle Company, Yamagata, and then to the bonfire... had a lot of fun at all three. At the bonfire I met this hot guy named Marcus. We hit it off really well... and after a lot of touchy feely and flirting at the bonfire... he came back to my tent and we totally made out!!! So much fun!!! After he went back to his hotel I walked around the camp. Met some cool people and played a really funny guessing game. Then hung out on the dock in the middle of the night with a bunch of guys that were getting stoned and laughing. It was beautiful watching the fog roll over the hill and across the river with the two bridges under lit. It was right out of a scary movie!!!