The Curse of Incompleteness.

I don't know what I am going to do with my life.

It seems like I have wasted so much time. I have been here 31 years already and what do I have to show for it? Nothing. I mean seriously. Nothing.

I am good at nothing. I finish nothing. I wish I had been able to actually accomplish something. But I have been lazy all my life. The only thing I ever worked on with any commitment was myself, and if I am going to be completely honest here... I cheated a lot of the time on that subject. Well lets see if I can use this instrument to figure out where I went wrong and why I failed myself.

I would say it all started in childhood, but that seems like such a common cliche, and to be perfectly honest, I'm not sure that is when it started. I mean sure, I had a rough childhood (I don't know anyone who didn't), but I don't think that is it. I think the bravest thing I ever did is something I did as an adult. I joined the Navy. Even there in the example of my bravery lies my faults. I joined the Navy because my life was spiraling out of control. I was homeless, I was lazy, I couldn't/wouldn't hold down a job and it seemed like I was going to either end up dead or in prison.

So I did something drastic to change it all... and for a while... it did. The curse of incompleteness followed me there as well. I found a job where you cant get fired, and I ended up getting fired. Jesus, talk about a loser! I have been so complacent and boring with my life. I was bound for greatness in my youth. They all said it, counselors, teachers, my parents. I was either going to be something special or I was going to be something evil. Sadly, I am pretty sure that I fell smack dab in between those two things and ended up being mediocre.

to be continued...