A moment with W

I wanted to get this down... this one moment that is forever etched into my mind. One of the most beautiful moments that I have ever had...

I had this friend, we will call him W, mostly because I'm not that clever and that is what his name started with. We met several years ago in a bar. He is of course one of the most beautiful men I have ever met. The first couple times I talked to him I was smitten. He was hot, great body, smart and funny... so yeah... totally out of my league and I totally wanted him.

Well the first few times we hung out in the bar, it was a lot of fun. He even brought his own baby bottles of booze, yeah I think I had one or two. It still makes me laugh when I think about it. The two of us trying to be coy. Drinking out of little bottles while standing in the middle of a crowded bar. Although, he was much more clever than I. He figured out a way to do it. Buy one drink and just keep refilling it where he stood. I knew he had a boyfriend and I was just being friendly. Not every day I get someone that looks like this talking to me, so naturally I was loving every minute of it. Eventually he became single and I started seeing him at the bars more and we started hanging out more.

One night I told him that if he ever needed to, he could crash at my place. At that time I lived about two blocks from the main Castro drag. It was exceedingly easy for me to wobble home wasted. He lived in Berkeley so it wasn't quite so easy for him. Well one night he took me up on my offer, and it is that night that I wanted to talk about now.

I had this great bedroom in an otherwise scary dirty flat. I didn't really like to bring guys over because of the state that my roommates kept the place in, but I made an exception for W. We get back to my place and turn the tv on... I offer him a pair of boxers and a t-shirt to sleep in (of course he doesn't wear shirts to bed - torture me why don't you!) and while he changed, I pulled out the bed in the couch. Yeah, ok... I peeked. It was like a magnet, anytime human flesh is exposed I am convinced that the color of it acts like a magnet to the pupil. It draws your eyes in... So you see I really had no choice but to watch him change!

I knew it was not the most comfortable thing to sleep on, that couch, but I didn't want to presume that he wanted to sleep in my bed with me. So we both laid down and got ready to sleep and seriously not five minutes went by before W got up and came to the bed. He said that I was right the couch bed was uncomfortable and if he could just sleep in the bed with me... tell me if you could have held in the "HELL YES" for the five seconds that I managed.

We laid together for a few minutes talking about nothing in particular and then started to drift off... well, he started to drift off. The second that he got in the bed I was wide awake. We lay silent for a while, I listened to the sound of his breathing as he slept, I tried to fall asleep myself. This is when the moment began...

I remember looking at him sleeping... I remember turning towards him... When I turned, he woke a little bit. Just enough to turn on his side facing me. There we were, facing each other in bed our faces just inches apart... I couldn't see if his eyes were open or closed, and his breathing suggested that he was still sleeping. But then out of nowhere he bent forward and kissed me. Twice, right on the lips.

Those were the only kisses we exchanged and they were very innocent. Just two quick pecks on the lips, no tounge and just a second of lingering. I put my arms around his chest and pulled him close to me. He was easy to move, all I had to do was suggest with my hands where to go, and that is where he went. When I wanted to roll him over, I just gave a gentle push and he rolled. There was no sex, no lustful grabbing, no heavy petting. In fact nothing below the waist was touched. All movement was refined to our breathing, our moving to another position and to my eyes.

I never slept a wink that night.

He was, and to this day remains, the most comfortable person that I have ever slept with. That first night was full of sensory overload for me... I wanted to memorize him there, I didn't think I would ever have him in that position again. I rubbed his back as he slept, and ran my hands over his hair. I stroked his cheek and chin with my finger. W was a big muscular guy, just a couple inches shorter than me, but somehow that night, reality seemed to give pause. I remember one moment when he was facing away from me and I was rubbing his back, I felt tiny next to him. I don't know how but he seemed so huge and real next to me and I felt like a small little boy. He turned toward me and wrapped his huge arms around me and put my head on his chest, our legs intertwining.

That one night, was the best night I ever spent with someone else in my bed. The next morning waking up with his arms wrapped around me... well, you can imagine the euphoric high that I felt. You ever have one of those nights with someone where it just makes you feel like everything is right in the world and that everyone, including you, will find those moments that forever freeze in your mind. We got up, and it wasn't awkward. It wasn't weird... he smiled and asked where he could brush his teeth. I showed him to the bathroom and then went back to my bed and just lay there dazed.

We went to breakfast, and walked around for a while. Every guy that we passed on the street made some kind of look or pass at him, and he didn't even notice... He was in a conversation with me, and all the guys ogling him that morning didn't matter. It was a perfect night and day. Things came after and eventually we stopped talking to each other. It makes me sad still... But there is this one night in my head, and every time I think about the bad things that happened between us later... I try to remember the way I felt that first night.

I felt happy. I felt fulfilled. I felt loved. I feel grateful that I got to experience something like that at all.

Most of all though, it was just nice to be not alone for a while...