Till the sun turns black

A while back I mentioned "Concept Albums" and my new found love of them. A concept album can be several things: an album where all the songs tell the same type of story; an album where all the songs tell one grand story; an album where all the songs have a theme; or an album where all the music is tied together somehow. These are just a few types of concept albums.

A concept album is a big undertaking. You wouldn't expect one from someone in the pop-music field. And traditionally they are only made by either established artists or artists who are just trying to make their own music and are not trying to sell a million albums. Some of the concept albums I have heard in the last year have been some of the most amazing music I have ever heard. And every time I have heard someone say what I am about to say I either cringe or roll my eyes, but it really does change the way you listen to music.



My first concept album was Ani Di Franco's "Reckoning". My friend Zak made me buy it and he made me promise NOT to listen to it... until I had the time to sit and listen to the whole thing all the way through. So, I didn't listen to it for about six months. When I finally put it in... I had to restart song one three times just so I could get her voice and intonation in my head. I wanted to understand what she was saying.

"Coming of age during the plague of Regan and Bush, watching capitalism gun down democracy, it had this funny effect on me, I guess." That is the first line you hear on that album and it just keeps getting better and more personal. But personal in such a way that it is personal for me too... I feel what she feels. It is not possible for me to explain the feelings and thoughts that I get when listening to this album. All I can really say with any surety is that this is the music I wish I could make. Personal, powerful, beautiful and utterly unique. It sounds like she walked into the studio with her guitar and played straight through to the end of the album. You can hear musicians come and go, and at one point at the end of a very sad song, she just stops the music and talks herself into a better mood before moving right into the next song.

Her concept album "Reckoning" is about how the music and the lyrics make you feel, and how the songs are not traditional verse-verse-hook-chorus type of songs... they all seamlessly flow into each other. If you are looking to experience some new music and move away from the popcorn thumpa thumpa of todays music, this is the first album I would buy.



Another great concept album is "Impossible Dream" by Patty Griffin. The concept here is that all the songs are telling Patty's own story. Patty Griffin was a house wife. And she was happy doing nothing but making her husband happy. When she turned 30 he up and divorced her. She was so devastated that she had to start seeing a therapist and he told her that she needed to find something to take her mind off the divorce. So, she picks up a guitar for the first time in her life. Ten years later her fifth album "Impossible Dream" comes out and it is an amazing journey from the day she walked out of that house to where she currently finds herself. There is a moment between two of the songs that is divine in it's simplicity. As one song ends you hear this faint singing, you turn up the volume and realize the singing is an old couple taking turns singing "impossible dream" from the stage musical "Man of La Mancha". It makes it even more personal to learn that the old couple that is singing is actually Patty's parents. It sounds like Patty had a mini-tape recorder and just happened to press record one night while hanging out at her parents house.



A master of the concept album, and this may come as a surprise to some, is Bruce Springsteen. He has done a number of them from his latest "We shall overcome" to "The Ghost of Tom Joad". But the best one is the one he did first: "Nebraska". If you have ever seen the movie "Natural Born Killers" you know the basic story of the album. You see, that movie was based on actual events that took place in the 50's in Nebraska. Each song on the album is told through the point of view of someone directly involved. The girl who kills her parents has a song, even the neighbors have a song. But the two most powerful songs on the album are Highway Patrolman followed by State Trooper. These two songs are devastating when heard together. In the first one the highway patrolman is the killers brother and he is chasing him down. There is this great inner dialog he has with himself about just slowing down so that his brother can get away. And in the very next song it is the killers turn... he is singing about being chased by this state trooper/highway patrolman. Not knowing that the cop following him is actually his brother. And he keeps saying please don't stop me... if you stop me, I'll kill you.



The final concept album I think you should run out and buy is "Till the sun turns black" by Ray Lamontagne. It took me a while to find it... but this album tells one grand sweeping epic story. This is the one that I have had in my CD player since it came out last year. I will give you the story that I found (And remember that it is entirely my own. You may hear a completely different story).
01: Be here now - This is the beginning. We are introduced to a family. A mother and father, and two young sons, the older son is our protagonist. This song is the father's advice to his two sons. This song sets up the rest of the story. You can see the two boys growing into men during this song. It is like a mantra that the father drills into both of the boys heads, be here now. "Don't put your faith in walls cuz walls will only crush you, when they fall". But like the beginning of all great stories, there has to be tragedy. Near the end of the song, after all the singing is done I see the family in the car. The older son is driving, parents are in the back seat and the younger son is in the passenger seat. I see a drunk driver. The parents die. The younger brother ends up in a coma. Our protagonist walks away unharmed and destroyed. He feels responsible for their deaths.

02: Empty - This song starts with the sound of a storm. I picture we have jumped ahead a couple years. Our protagonist is now in his mid twenties and for the first time in his life he glimpses love. Her name is unimportant, you can pick one that you like. This is the song where he begins to heal from his family tragedy and starts to put faith in another person again. It is a wonderful love song. At the end of this song I see him in the graveyard with her. Walking away from his parents headstone for the first time without crying.

03: Barfly - Here they begin their life together. Going to the local watering hole, hanging out with their friends. Somewhere about halfway through the song we realize that our protagonist is an alcoholic. And so does his girlfriend. She tries to get him out of the bar, but I don't think he gets it. He doesn't understand why she isn't having as much fun as he is. By the time we get to the end of the song she is at home alone... waiting. He is in the bar, drinking. But there is a moment, with the last words he sings. The same words over and over again while staring at himself in the mirror behind the bar... "I'm going no where... I'm going no where". He gets it. He has been drowning his pain and his relationship is drowning.

04: Three more days - What does any reasonable adult do when they realize they have a problem? Hopefully they do what our protagonist does and checks into rehab. This song is his recovery. It's three more days until he comes home to his girl.

05: Can I stay - He has finished his stint at rehab and he is now sober. You can see him running home to her. She is already in bed when he gets there, so he tiptoes in, picks up his guitar sits down and plays her this song. It is amazingly romantic. It would melt the heart of anyone, seriously. I see people using this song as their wedding song. But if you are not careful, you will miss the surprise ending. Again, it is not anything that he says... it is just a feeling, and it makes perfect sense going into the next song. During the refrain of the song (about the last 20 seconds) you see her telling him yes he can spend the night. They cuddle up in bed and he drifts off with this look of peace on his face, while she lays there in his arms with her eyes open and tears flowing. You can see it in her eyes, it is over. The love is gone.

06: You can bring me flowers - When I'm dead and gone. He is pissed. She has just told him that it is over between them. This is his moment to rant and say every hurtful thing he can think of. He is convinced there is another man.

07: Gone away from me - After all the drama, he goes back to the bar. It is a huge struggle for him not to drink. This is his "oh poor me" time.

08: Lesson learned - If he is to remain sober he must have some completion with the relationship. So he goes to her to confront her. Instead he gets her best friend who gives it to him straight. It was not another man... it was the drinking. Halfway through the song the now-ex comes out of the other room where she was hiding. And they hammer it out. This is the end of their relationship, and after all the talking, all the bitching... you are pretty sure that they are both going to be ok. Then the phone rings...

09: Truly, madly, deeply - This song has no lyrics, and is only roughly 30 seconds long. But it reveals one of the most important things about the story. Something that all of us forgot. The younger brother wakes up.
10: Till the sun turns black - Walking away from the hospital after seeing his brother awake for the first time in a decade, you see through the lyrics. His eyes are finally open and you know he has never seen this world before. The completion of one relationship leads directly into the beginning of a new one, with his brother. And through the song you can hear him coming closer and closer to...

11: Within you - The epiphany moment. That one moment when in the blink of an eye, everything is different. It is in that moment that he realizes what is important and worth fighting for. And though this song starts with lyrics... it ends with just one word... sang over and over again until you find yourself singing along... love.


Buy these albums.


Oh... yeah... one more to buy. The grand master of Concept Albums: Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys. His album "Smile", if you listen to the whole thing... will make you do exactly that... smile, ear to ear.

Lazy Bear part 4

Sunday: I woke up Sunday just before noon... again. Walked into town and ran across Ryan the super hot Latin boy from Friday night, and ate breakfast with him. Jason found me and we got ready for the big blowout goodbye pool party. It was at this private estate with an Olympic size swimming pool and tennis courts and a yard big enough to contain the several hundred guys that showed up. It was a super-duper kick-ass pool party to end all pool parties. So much fun!!! I flirted wildly and said hi to everyone. It was like being in heaven. There was this porn star named Tober Brandt promoting something at one of the pool parties.. and I was droolin over him. I mean he is HOT!!! And then Jason dropped what will become the best line of the year when he noticed me checking out Tober. He said: "Yeah, the magic kinda dies when you've already had both your hands in him". I died, right there... in that moment, I died.


So Tober was at this pool party and we hung out with him a bit, I think at one point he threw Jason in the pool (then again, so did I). I got a little drunk at that pool party (I didn't drink that much over the weekend) and had a giggly good 'ol time. A lot of my friends and the new friends that I made that weekend were there so I was a total little butterfly!!! I cant stress enough how much fun the whole weekend was. I keep tying to express it, but it seems the words just don't show the feeling behind it. Lets put it this way: if I had died at the end of the weekend... I would have died happy and satisfied.

After the pool party ended Jason and I went to the Roadhouse Inn for dinner. I had one of the most amazing steaks ever!! Thanks Jason's mom and dad. Wouldn't want to be him when they get THAT bill!! Then Jason and I went back to the tent to chill for a little bit. We met this new group of guys while we were there, just hanging out at their tent. A couple of them were total grade a hotties and so Jason and I flirted. When it got a little later Jason went off to find Michael and Marco with the stipulation that we would meet up later. I stayed and kept hanging out with the boys. Danny (one of the boys) was a cute little latin boy with a lot of energy and I was instantly attracted to him. We chatted with the group for a while then went to my tent to cuddle (honestly!!!). While we were cuddling and chatting his friends decided to go eat. They then yelled out as they were leaving "You guys can have the tent now if you want to get it on!"


Klassy... with a capital K! Danny and I both giggled... then ran over into that tent. What?? It had an air mattress!!! I wont go into any grizzly details, cuz my mom reads this, but let me just say this. That little guy.... WORE ME THE HELL OUT!!!! I mean, yeah we went at it for a couple hours, and at one point Jason came looking for me, and I screamed out "I'll meet you at the dance". But how exactly I came to be in the condition I was in at the end of the escapade eludes me. After, we went and took a shower together... and this is the cutest thing... he stood under one shower head while I took the one next to it, same shower heads same height... mine, came to my nipples.... his... about six inches over his head. I had to bend over to get "under" the shower head. I told you he was a cute little thing!!!

So he and I get dressed and walk into town. We go to the big farewell dance to look for his friends and Jason. As soon as I walked in, I was ready to go. If you have ever been in a confined space with 500 sweaty heavy breathing men, you know what I am talking about. It was sooooo hot, and it soon became apparent to both of us that we were never going to find our friends in there. So we walked out and went down to the other bars to see if by some chance our friends were there... he found his. I never found Jason. In fact, I didn't see him for the rest of the weekend.


So Danny and his friend had to leave because they both worked in the morning. So we kissed goodbye and exchanged info and then he was off. I was still looking for Jason so I braved the weather and went back into the big dance. It was not going to happen for me that night, there was no way I was going to be in that heat in my weakened condition. So I ran around the dance floor looking for Jason. I ran around the main floor looking for Jason. I ran around the upstairs lounges looking for Jason. As you already know, I didn't find him. But I did find a bunch of the other hot guys that I had been hanging out with over the weekend. I went outside, hung out with the cute straight doorman for a little while. Made out with Ryan a little. Then headed back to the tent to crash. Seriously worn out... That sexcapade with Danny was one of the BEST!!! Maybe it was the E... I don't know.

Monday: I woke Monday morning to a tug on my foot. It was my Mark, Drew's (my food neighbor's) boyfriend. He was waking me up at 10:30 to ask if I wanted breakfast. Let me tell you... if they weren't a monogamous couple!!!!! Drew made Huevos Rancheros for breakfast and it was soooooooooooo good. We ate, then we all started taking our tents down and began the long arduous process of packing up and leaving. I didn't want to leave.

By the way, I should tell you about my tent. The night I got there it worked great, but over the next couple days the door zipper became more and more of a challenge until finally (sometime Saturday) it stopped working altogether. So for most of the weekend I was sleeping with my door wide open. At a normal camp site this wouldn't be a problem. But at a gay campsite with hundreds of horny men... it can turn into quite a big problem. Luckily when I set my tent up the school teacher made sure I turned the door away from the foot path. Had he not told me to do that I would have had a LOT more visitors. So when I took the tent down... it went directly into the trash can. I couldn't deal. Plus I wasn't going to haul around a busted crappy tent!


After all that I went up to the main house to check out. The same guy was there... and I asked him if he ever found my reservation. He shook his head no as I pulled out my wallet. I said, "oh well, what do I owe you?". He looked at me with this quizzical look and kinda smiled. I wasn't sure what he was smiling at so I handed him my credit card. He smiled a little bigger, waved away my card and said "Don't worry about it. Just come back to us next year, ok?" Seriously!!!! SWEET!!!! I got a free stay that would have cost me around $150. Yeah, that pretty much tells you how the whole weekend was.

So for the rest of the day I walked around a mostly abandoned town. Did a little shopping. Had a nice lunch. Ran into an old friend Diego and hung out with him for a little while. Honestly, by Monday I was so exhausted I wasn't up for much of anything. So I finally climbed into my fancy jeep and began the hour and a half drive home. I threw in some James Taylor for the drive. Didn't even mind being stuck behind slow stupid people on the freeway. It was the laziest lackadaisical day. And I was so worn out with happiness that all I could do was drive and smile.

Lazy Bear part 3

Saturday: I woke up Saturday, as usual, too late for breakfast. As I was walking down the main strip I heard someone call out my name... it was Jason (Derek Hanson), Michael Brandon and his boyfriend Marco and this lesbian they just met named Shannon. So I sat and ate with them. Shannon was actually in Santa Rosa for business and she had just decided to drive up to the river for some R&R. Little did she know. She actually hung out with them for most of the weekend! So the five of us strolled on over to the pool parties.


Jason and I tooled around flirting all day with everyone. We went to all four pool parties, Jason ran through the sprinklers playing red rover. Then we walked around the town and went to all the bars and then watched the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence do their very own special Bingo. I went back to camp to rest before the big party night. My neighbors made this amazing barb-q chicken sandwich that was so divine they made me another one to take home. Then I just kinda relaxed, sat on the dock, and took a nap.


That night Jason and I were all over the place. We went everywhere, including dinner with Micheal, Marco and Shannon. Micheal is such a sweetheart I totally get him as a kindred spirit. Then were were off to the pub crawl. In case you didn't know, Guernville has about seven different gay bars. Yeah... it is a total gay resort town! So Jason and I were literally in every bar for a while, we went to the bonfire for a while. We ended up at the Rainbow Cattle Company at the end of the night and met these guys from LA. They had come up to have a weekend in the country without knowing that it was Lazy Bear weekend. They stuck out a little too... I mean, the pretty boy Castro jock types don't really look right in the bear community. But we made them feel welcome, Jason shamelessly flirting with every one of them and them flirting back.


The whole gaggle of us then walked over to the triple r for some karaoke, but luckily they had just ended for the night. That is when the bars closed and Jason drove them home and I walked back to the camp ground. When I got there I ran into my friend Gabriel who is just cute as a button. He invited me to come over and hang out with his friends. We then started an impromptu campfire of our own. It was really cool because all the guys coming from the bars stopped by to hang for a little while. When I finally hit the sack I swear I could see the beginning of sunrise. But it was so worth it.

Lazy Bear part 2

Friday: Woke up at noon. God I do so love my sleep. Too late to have breakfast with my neighbors, but they make sure and let me know what time lunch is. So I wander on down to the dock and have my morning Mt. Dew while watching the trees and the bears swimming in the river. I walk around the camp (mind you, there were over 500 people camping on what essentially is the size of Duboce Park) meeting new people smiling at all the cute boys. It was so much fun. I went to the office to check in, but the guy couldn't find my reservation. I was like, crap, but I already set up my tent! He looked around a little more, but a line started forming behind me. So, he told me to come back the next day and he would look for my reservation. So I said I would and left to do some more wandering.


I considered going to all the pool parties that day, but decided against it. Instead I took my fantastic car and drove all the way to the top of Armstrong woods. It is an amazing view. Nothing compared to Mt. Diablo in Walnut Creek (second largest panoramic view in the world after Mt. Fuji), but still an amazing sight. Nothing but verdant green rolling hills covered with every kind of tree you can imagine. And the drive up is just so beautiful.


After the drive in that sweltering heat, I went back to the campground and ran right into the river. Had a great swim and chatted with the guys on the dock than went and showered and dressed. At the triple r there was an Underbear party (where people are invited to walk around in nothing but their underwear). It was so much fun... and yeah, there were a lot of guys that should have been wearing nothing but underwear. I ran into Yann and David from the Gay Mens Chorus and hung out with them. When I first walked in I literally ran directly into the Bare Chest Calendar men who were there promoting their 2007 calendar.


Well the one I ran into was named Jon and Jesus, he was soooooo hot! I backed up and said "oh excuse me", and this big grin flashed over his face and that was really it for me. He invited me to hang out with him and the other Bare Chest guys and we all had a blast. I walked around while they were hawking their wares and flirted shamelessly. I actually grew a set of balls just for the weekend. I did myself proud and actually spoke to most of the guys I was attracted to this weekend. Jon being one of them.


So we all left the Underbear party and went to club Fab where the Bare Chest guys were supposed to be go-go dancing. I danced and laughed and had a great time. I went out front for a smoke and as I was walking out the door this painfully hot latin muscle guy was walking in. He stopped right in front of me and got this animal look on his face as he smiled and growled at me. I smiled at him and he asked where I was going. "Out to smoke" I said. "I'm gonna come with you then" was his response. HELL YEAH!!!! Yeah, he was that hot. I went back into the club with him and made out with him... and did something naughty!!!! He and I hung out off and on all weekend!!!

Lazy Bear part 1

For those of you that read my blog and don't know what Lazy Bear is... I will give you a brief history. Every first weekend of August for the last 12 years the "Bear" community descends on the tiny little town of Guernville (aka: The Russian River). To give you an idea of the magnitude of this event all you need do is look at the population. Normally the population of Guernville is just over 1000 people, on lazy bear weekend the population jumps to over 6000. Yeah... it's that big.

For those of you who don't know what I mean when I say "Bear Community" I will explain that too. Because the gay community is so sexualized (ie. separated from the rest of the world because of the type of sex we have) the gay community has spent a lot of time labeling and separating themselves from each other, you have twinks, jocks, straight acting, queeny, drag queens, alternative guys, muscle queens, rice queens, dirty hot guys, etc... seriously... then there are all the guys that don't fit into any of those categories and the guys that are attracted to them.

A lot of these guys fit into what we call the "Bear" community. And even in the bear community we have separation: muscle bears, hairy guys, chubs, chasers, cubs, otters, wolves, super-chubs, admirers... and so on. In my experience, the bear community tends to be much more relaxed and friendly than the rest of the gay community. Based on the fact that they are clear that they are not everyone's type and so they typically don't make a move on you unless you show some interest.

This year was my third time going to Lazy Bear and it was the best one so far. My god. I could have died at the end of the weekend and it still would have been worth it!!! So now I will give you a recap of each day... and every sordid detail. Don't worry mom, you can still read it.



Thursday: I had planned on leaving Thursday morning at 10:00am, driving up early, getting set up and everything before the weekend rush... I got to the rental car place at about 10:15. Yeah, I know... totally not a morning person... There is a line. Of course. Not only is there a line... but it is not moving. At all. Dammit! So I wait. I get to the counter at about 10:45 and give them my reservation. I did this weird thing online with the car company. I couldn't spend a lot of money, but I knew I wouldn't fit in a compact or economy car. I had to get something midsize or larger. So in between economy and midsize they had this thing called wildcard. The price was right and they guaranteed a midsize or larger.

So they take their damn sweet time and I am just waiting... finally they call me back up to the counter. By this time it is already noon so I am starting to get peeved. Then she gives me the good news. I got a 2007 extended black jeep wrangler. Sweet!!! So I get the car... run home and finish packing. I get on the road at 3pm and have a nice relaxing drive up to the river.

I get there and set up my tent. The office is closed when I get there so I figure I will check-in in the morning. There is this nice HOT school teacher that helps me set up my tent and there is this cute couple camping next to me that brought the kitchen sink and invited me to all their meals. Sweet!!! The last two times I went up I went with friends and spent most of my time with them. So this time I went alone and camped alone so that I would be forced to meet new people.

I went into town and got my beartag, and yeah it came with some wild flirting. I then walked around the town and stopped by the pool parties. I hung out on the dock at the willows. That night I went out to the local gay bars the Rainbow Cattle Company, Yamagata, and then to the bonfire... had a lot of fun at all three. At the bonfire I met this hot guy named Marcus. We hit it off really well... and after a lot of touchy feely and flirting at the bonfire... he came back to my tent and we totally made out!!! So much fun!!! After he went back to his hotel I walked around the camp. Met some cool people and played a really funny guessing game. Then hung out on the dock in the middle of the night with a bunch of guys that were getting stoned and laughing. It was beautiful watching the fog roll over the hill and across the river with the two bridges under lit. It was right out of a scary movie!!!