Babysitting with Wayne

Wayne. Such a complete and total hippie. And one seriously weird night.

My parents, also total hippies, never really put that much stock in babysitters. My parents always left my brother and I alone for periods of time. We were latchkey kids. We were alone when we got home from school and managed not to kill ourselves. So Mom and Chuck figured that as long as one of us was looking out for the other we would be alright. And we were... mostly.


Needless to say, we were boys of an impressionable age. We were not the sit in front of the tv and kill time type of kids. Well, I was... but Josh always dragged me along on his adventures. And let me tell you, we have quite a few that would turn mom's hair white. But I am not here to talk about all those times. I wanted to get this specific night down.

I have no idea where my parents went that night... I don't know if they were going on a date or going to a concert. All I remember is that they got us a babysitter that night. We had to be about nine and ten years old. No ordinary babysitter either... my parents gave run of the house over to one of my dad's band-mates. The guitarist, Wayne. Now I have already told you that my dad is the king of corny. Well if you can imagine it Wayne was ten times weirder than Chuck. When it came to my dad, he had two boys to pull all his wackiness on. Wayne had no kids and used that night to vent some seriously wacky steam.

After my parents left it was kinda boring. Josh Wayne and I sat in the living room for a while watching tv. Nothing too exciting right? Well, round about 10:00 pm Wayne turns the tv off and tells us that it is time for bed. Josh and I go to our rooms to get into our pj's. We went back into the living room to beg Wayne to let us stay up a little bit longer. I think that may have been what pushed him over the edge. There were three exterior doors to the house we lived in then and a good thing there was, because as soon as we had finished our pleas this lopsided grin washed over Wayne's face and he reached for the light switch next to him.

Immediately the room was plunged into darkness and Wayne moved with a quickness that belied his 40 years of age. He got Josh immediately and had him down on the floor in a tickle attack. I let out a girlish scream and ran for it. I ran downstairs into my parents room and ran right into their closet. My mom had this really cool black cloak that I loved to wear all the time. So while in the closet I slipped it on thinking it would make it harder for Wayne to find me if I was dressed up in a black flowing cape... Shuttup I was nine years old!!!!

Well, no sooner had I slipped in on and gotten ready to leave the closet when the lights in my parents bedroom went out. I froze. Waiting to hear what would happen next I cowered down in the back corner of the closet where mom kept her pile of laundry. I piled it up over me and just stopped moving when the closet doors were yanked open. I held my breath. Wayne was standing there, doing this weird growling thing, and the only thought going through my head was "where is Josh, if I can get to Josh I will be safe". Wayne didn't see me. So when he turned back into the bedroom and started making his way over to my bedroom door I quietly started to inch my way out of the closet.

I tried to stay in the closet and out of his line of view for as long as I could. Finally he opened my bedroom door and stuck his head inside, while calling my name in a menacing tone. It was now or never, so I grab the cape around me so he wouldn't be able to grab it, and I made my run for it. I was around the bed before he realized I was behind him. The stairwell upstairs was behind the headboard of the bed and my bedroom door was on the wall opposite. There was one moment as I crossed the foot of the bed when I was a mere two feet from Wayne. Had he but turned a bit earlier he would have had me. But as my luck had it I got around the bed and halfway to the stairwell before he saw me.

Then it was on... He turned and growled my name and I ran. Up the stairs screaming, through the music room still screaming, into the living room and THUD!!!! Right into Josh. He had been hiding upstairs and had come running when I started to scream. "He's right behind me"!!!! I screamed as we both scrambled to our feet and made a beeline toward the front door. Out the front door just as Wayne came bounding into the living room growling and now both Josh and I were running and screaming like girls. We ran out into the yard and hid.

Now remember this is in the Colorado Rockies and there were trees everywhere to hide behind, not to mention the outhouse in the side yard. So Josh and I hid out in the yard and we covered up with the cape. See Josh thought the cape was a good idea too!!! There we stood for what seemed like hours. We kept moving from tree to tree trying to see what Wayne was doing inside the house. He was going through turning every light off. We were totally scared but having so much fun. After a while we couldn't find Wayne at all. All the lights had gone dark, and there wasn't a sound issuing from inside.


For a little while he would taunt us by flicking his lighter, or turning on a light really quick to try and throw us off. We circled the house many times that night. Until after a while everything was completely still. Josh and I were still trying to find where Wayne was in the house, but little did I know Josh had started coming up with a plan. And as his plans usually did... this plan called for me to be the bait. After a feeble attempt on my part to try and make him go in my stead I finally gave in and went along with his plan. Josh said that I could go in the front door, that Wayne wasn't in the living room. Josh said that he needed to know where in the house Wayne was and the only way to get Wayne to move was if he came after one of us.

I opened the front door fully expecting to be pounced upon. Josh was around the corner of the house watching through the window. I slowly crept inside and slipped the door shut. I stood there frozen long enough to make Josh tap the window and point toward the music room. I slowly started inching my way through the living room toward the doorway to the music room. I took one last look behind me toward Josh. He nodded vigorously for me to go in. I looked across the living room toward the door to the kitchen. If Wayne was hiding in there than two of my exits were already blocked. I would have to make it downstairs to the outside door in my parents room to get away from him. I was pretty sure the closet trick would only work once.

So, I took a big gulp and peeked around the corner into the music room. Wayne knew what he had been doing when he turned the lights off. This room was very dark with only a little light coming in through the porch windows. I blinked a couple times trying to force my eyes to adjust to the dark. After a couple more taps from Josh I finally took the first step into the music room. The piano was on the left and straight ahead were the shelves that blocked the stairwell down to my parents room. I paused to listen for anyone coming for me from the kitchen. No sounds came. My brothers bedroom door and the bathroom were on the right wall of the music room and I cautiously tip toed close to them to see if I could hear anything beyond the closed doors.

I got to where my brothers door was and leaned in. All the while I was looking around me to catch a glimpse of any movement. As I slipped past Josh's door and made my way toward the stairs that led downstairs I heard a sound and froze. I was breathing heavily through my mouth and my senses were in overdrive. I cautiously glanced over my shoulder to make sure that Wayne wasn't coming through any of the doors behind me. I didn't hear any more noise and I'm not sure if that made me more or less worried. After about a minute of holding my breath and waiting I finally decided to move again. I would continue on my mission downstairs and out that door. So I turned back to the stairwell. There on the floor, behind the bookshelf that hid the stairs down, was a human head.

As soon as I saw it my forward movement stopped. The eyes opened and locked on me. Then the head smiled, and I screamed. Then we were off. Wayne lept up from his place on the stairs and I turned tail and booked. Cape billowing behind me as I ran screaming at the top of my lungs. Into the living room Wanye mere feet behind me growling, screaming for Josh. Saying he was here... he was right behind me. I ran... as fast as my little nine year old legs would take me... up and over the couch as fast as I could to the door. I could hear Wayne coming around the couch. It would slow him down, but only by mere seconds. But hopefully it would be enough. I had reached the door. I grabbed the handle and gave it a hard yank. Nothing, it wouldn't budge.

I was still screaming. The door wouldn't open and Wayne was just a couple feet behind me. I expected his big hands to come down on my shoulder at any moment. I was still screaming and struggling with the door. I had a flash of the lock and I fumbled for where I thought it was on the door. It had been turned. Josh had locked me in! I was still screaming as I clicked the lock into the open position and threw the door open. When the little bit of light came in through the open door I risked a glance back and saw Wayne's hand inches from my shoulder. I ran, screaming through the front door. I didn't stop screaming until I got to the street and looked back to see no one behind me.

I stood there in the middle of the road catching my breath when Josh came into view. He had taken the other way around the house. He had been watching through the windows on the kitchen side of the living room and when he saw that I had made it out he sneaked around the house past the kitchen and came down to meet me. I was still in the road panting. Adrenaline was still pouring into my veins and I was mad!

"Why did you lock the door... you jerk, he almost had me!!"

"What are you talking about, I didn't lock the door. But watching you run screaming like that, man, I almost pissed my pants I was laughing so hard."

"Yeah, real funny... I know you locked the door so that I couldn't get out. I thought I was going to piss my pants I was so scared."

"Did you see where he was hiding?"

"See where he was hiding??? He just chased me through the entire house!!! Yeah I saw where he was hiding!!!"

Josh had started to think up ways that we could sneak up and attack Wayne. The leading option was to shimmy along the side of the wall about 10 feet up from the ground to the window that was over the stairs and putting the hose through the window and soaking him. We spent another half an hour trying to think of ways to retaliate. Finally the lights in the house started coming back on. Josh and I looked at each other. Was this another one of Wayne's tricks? But as if in answer to the unspoken question the front door swung open and Wayne came out onto the front porch.

"Josh, Shane... time to come inside. Your parents just called and they are on their way home. Should be here in less than 20 minutes. Come on, lets get this place cleaned up and get you two to bed before they get home. You were supposed to be in bed a few hours ago after all." We went inside and all three of us had a serious case of the giggles while we sped though a quick clean up. When the sprint cleaning was done the three of us collapsed on the couch still giggling.

"Man, Shane, you almost broke my nose when you threw the front door open like that. It brushed the tip of my nose. I barely stopped in time, I would have..." That was when Josh held his hand up. We all fell quiet. Then suddenly I could hear it to. Chucks car. It was at the end of the block. Josh and I had spent years memorizing the sound of our parents cars. After all, we were bad boys, misfits. With many many childhood adventures behind us. The three of us lept to our feet and before anyone said a word, Josh and I had sprinted from the room toward our bedrooms. Wayne sat back down and Josh and I had just gotten into bed when we heard the front door open.

Safe. Wayne covered for us, said we had been asleep for hours.