So long old friend...

for a short while I loved you like you were mine
I knew you didn't feel it, there were certainly signs
I lied to myself for that small moment of lust
thought I could be your fall back if I could just...

then you were gone and my heart was destroyed
or thats what I told myself, could all just be a ploy
I wanted so desperately to know I could feel
lifetimes had past since I'd felt anything real

my most common emotion soon after you'd left
was bitter and stubborn and so often bereft
I stayed that way too long at the cost of good friends
it's clear now I was the cause for so many ends

years later I took notice of who I'd become
I was angry and hurtful and worst of all numb
I felt alone and ugly and altogether unwanted
you answered my call for support undaunted

years now we've been here in this same emotion
verging together in our humdrum harmonic motion
we have both become routine and I'm getting deja vu
so now when I see you, I don't want to see you

I'm just angry at you for so many reasons
when I voice this out loud it feels much like treason
I feel pain when I hear you seeping through the wall
it is the sound of us taking our final curtain call

you throw me excuses and all your vindications
all the while ignoring my obvious frustrations
I need you too, sometimes more than even you do
yet every time I say this the message goes askew

you always hold my heart, my love and my brother
you keep throwing it aside to go cruising for another
don't misunderstand, I'm not asking for you to love me
but when I need my best friend I'm not looking for three

here is the crux of all these words I've been spewing
I know I cant ask you to stop doing what your doing
but remember now, we all pay for what we do
you have found a new love now see what it cost you...


-me