My Disgrace: 168 days in Hell

168 days in Hell

So there I was... after two years on my boat I was sent to a new command and I was not to have any contact with anyone on the boat. TPU is normally a place for sailors to go while waiting to go somewhere else. For example, if a girl that is assigned to a boat gets pregnant she is assigned to TPU until she delivers and then she can be transfered back to the boat. Or if someone gets to San Diego but their assigned boat is underway somewhere, they go to TPU and wait for the boat to get back. It is transient, for people passing through.

TPU Disciplinary isn't much different. We would go work out on the base during the day, doing the odd jobs that didn't exactly belong to anybody, but still needed to be done. And then we would go back to the barracks. The barracks were actually just like boot camp. Two very long wide rooms with about fifty bunk beds and fifty lockers. All privacy goes out the door. They don't want to make it comfortable. They don't want anyone to stay too long. So like the regular TPU, this barracks was also filled with transients... the only difference, really, was destination location. These people were not waiting to get to their ship. They were waiting for punishment of some kind or another. Be it discharge, restriction or brig. Some of them were pretty cool people, but some of them were clearly nuts. I did however meet some quality people. If you remember Caanan from my Beautiful Boys #1. I met him there. That was the only redeeming quality.

Right next door to TPU was NCIS, and my boats MAA informed them of the investigation that I was involved in and so they routinely pulled me in for questioning. Just like with the MAA they asked me questions they had no right to ask me. And I refused completely to help them with their investigation. It was pretty clear that they had already spoken to Greene and that he had told them I had nothing to do with it. They were focusing their attention on this Dustin person that actually committed the crime. I was under investigation for Conspiracy to commit sodomy, accomplice to rape, contributing to the delinquency of a minor and several other things. These charges were what the people on the boat were told I had done.


It took them 3 months to get to it, but when they finally informed me of the date of my captains mast (one step down from court martial) I felt like I was ready to face them. The charges ended up being false official statement, requesting another to commit an offense and leaving place of duty. They had tried to throw the book at me and failed. Although they did charge me with crimes that had been removed from the uniform code of military justice more than twenty five years before.

The day of my captains mast I got dressed in my nicest uniform, my dress whites. They had been cleaned, pressed and my shoes polished. All my medals (more than anyone else of my rank on my ship) were polished and pinned to my lapel. The duty van came and picked me up and brought me to my ship. For the first time since I had been removed from my ship, I was allowed on board, and got to see my shipmates. If you have ever been in trouble with the law you can imagine the feelings I was going through. I was brought downstairs to the library and asked to stand at parade rest outside the door until I was summoned. The MAA approached me and started talking to me. I ignored him completely, which I'm sure angered him to no end, but that guy was not only an unimaginable prick, he was one of those people that once they get the slightest taste of power they become drunk with it.

After about twenty minutes of waiting I was asked to come inside. I was told to stand on a spot about five feet from the captain (his name was Liggett, and he was one of two people that I ever experienced having problems with gays during my service). To my left was the MAA and the executive officer, and to my right was my entire chain of command. BM1 Manns, Chief Damien, LT Keefer, and LTCDR Bastafka. It began with the MAA reading off all the charges. When he was done, I was asked if I understood the charges, and I said yes, with the exception of two. I don't remember exactly what they were, but my lawyer had prepared me well. The two charges I objected to had been removed from the UCMJ and were therefore no longer crimes.

Captain Liggett said "Well, I'm sure he meant this charge and that charge..."

To which I replied "He may have meant this charge and that charge, but that is not what he has charged me with. Last time I checked you cant charge people for committing crimes that are not illegal."

The captain looked at me for a moment in what could only have been amused disbelief and then said "It doesn't matter that you say they have been removed, I am the captain and I am going to charge you with those crimes."

"Captain, should you choose to go ahead and charge me with non-existent crimes, I will have your decision overturned on appeal. Here are the pages of the UCMJ where those crimes used to be and you can clearly see that they were removed." I handed him the photocopies my lawyer had given me, he glanced at them, glanced at the MAA, and said that we were going to move ahead with the proceedings and this would get ironed out after.


He asked me to explain what had happened and I told him about being questioned in the hallway where everyone could hear. I told him about his MAA breaking the don't ask don't tell law. And I told him that what had happened between Greene and Dustin was between them, and that if he had been raped he had one hell of a funny way of showing it. He wanted to know about Dustin, and still I refused to tell him anything. At that he turned to my chain of command and asked them each to give their opinion of me as a sailor and he asked them for a recommendation of what to do.

BM1 Mans went first: "While I haven't been on board very long I have observed Kroll at work and he seems to get the job done." He was the only person that stood up for me. The chief, who I had had several heart to hearts with, and whom I trusted, stabbed me in the back while lying to my face.

"Kroll is a terrible sailor. You should remove him from the navy." This statement was echoed by LT Keefer, my division officer. Almost word for word, the two of them lied.

At this point, my disbelief was so palpable that I actually smiled a little. Captain Liggett saw it and asked "Do you think this is funny, Kroll?"

I looked at him and said "No sir, this is not funny. This is sad, and pathetic."

"What is?" he asked.

"It is sad that these men have so little honor that they would sell their integrity just to look good for you. It is pathetic that they feel they can lie without any repercussion or aforethought, just because they think it is what you want to hear."

"Calling people who out rank you names, will not help your cause here, Kroll. You are to give these men your respect." I had been looking at the men that had just betrayed me, but at these words I turned back to the captain.

"You tell me I am too blindly follow these men's orders and give them respect? Why would I give them an ounce of respect when they clearly think that the Navy values of Honor, Courage and Commitment are nothing but some fancy words? They just lied to your face, and all you can say is respect them." At this I turned to the Chief, who I felt had betrayed me the deepest and I asked him to clarify some things for me.

"Chief, you just said that I was a terrible sailor. Do you want to refine that statement at all? No? Then answer me this, why am I the highest ranking seamen in your division? Or better yet, why did you give me all those jobs if you thought I was so horrible? Are you in the habit of giving bad sailors the best jobs? If I was so bad why did you make me line captain, or Master Lee Helmsmen, Paint Locker PO, Flight Crew, Damage Control Maintenance Man. Why did you give me permission to spend my time working on getting my ESWAS qualifications? Why did you let me spend all that time in medical so I could get my quals for Corps School? Why did you have me get qualified for watches that were not only above my rank, petty officer of the watch, but which I would never stand, Officer of the Deck?"


At that I turned back to the captain and said "Does that sound like I am a terrible sailor, or does it sound like you just got lied to?"

Captain Liggett narrowed the little slits he called eyes and he said to me "Seamen Kroll, you just disrespected several ranking officers in my presence. Do you want to elaborate on what a good sailor you are? I am finding you guilty of all charges. You will forfeit $200 a month for two months, be reduced in rank to Seamen Apprentice, you will be given extra duty and put on restriction at TPU for 40 days. I will also be dishonorably discharging you from the Navy. You will now turn and return to the hallway and wait to be escorted back to TPU."

"Yes sir, and Captain, this is my notice to inform you that I will be appealing your decision. Unlike these people here, I still have my integrity and I came prepared to defend it." With that I turned and marched out of the room and waited in the hallway. The people in the room started filing out behind me and the Chief stopped in front of me and said "Kroll..."

"I will not be responding to you any more chief. I will have no more of your lies." With that he snapped his mouth shut and walked away. BM1 Manns stood there watching him go. "Kroll, I'm sorry this is all happening to you, truly. But I think what the Chief was going to say is that your future is not here. You were never meant to be a military man, you have a lot more going for you than the people here. I think the Chief just wanted to get you out so that you can start your real life." With that the MAA came out and escorted me to the duty van, which took me back to TPU. They put me on restriction for about five days until the appeal was formally lodged and then I went back to normal duty.

Being in TPU wasn't all bad. The CO of TPU took a special interest in my case because she saw that I was always impeccably dressed, I always passed my inspections with outstanding's and I was always reliable in the jobs I was assigned. One day not long after my captains mast she stopped in front of me during inspection. "Kroll, your uniform is clean and ironed. The creases are all in the right places and you have a very high gloss on your shoes. Yet another outstanding uniform inspection. About your situation with your boat, I think that you are being railroaded. While I have no authority to change any of that, I can make your time here go as easily as possible. And one thing I will promise you is that if they do kick you out, I will make sure it goes as quickly and easily as possible. When they finally officially transfer you to my command I will have you out of here and back in the civilian world in less than three days. Does that sound good to you?"

To which my stunned response was "Yes mam, thank you very much."

For another two months I fought my boat. To help my appeal along I wrote a very long scathing letter. I felt completely betrayed by my command and so felt that it was my obligation to make things as difficult for them as they were making it for me. In this letter I stated that I had been harassed and called a fagot so many times that I was always in a state of fear for my life while I was there. I then proceeded to list the name, rank and date of every person on my boat that had broken the Don't ask, Don't tell rule and when they did it. I asked for justice, and that an example be made to show that it was more than just a paper law.

When I finished this letter I sent it to everyone I could possible think of. I sent it to my congresswoman, my senator, the vice president (I couldn't send it to Bill because technically he was in my chain of command and that would get me in even more trouble), the national press syndicate, civil rights attorney Gloria Alred, my family attorney, my JAG attorney, and finally I sent a copy to my captain.

At the end of April I got a summons from the new Executive Officer on my boat. He was new to this whole situation and wanted to get it all from the horses mouth. Again I got into my best uniform and waited for the duty van. When I got to the boat I was escorted into the officers quarters where the XO has his office. He called me in and I stood against the wall in what was a very small office. He looked at me for a moment and then asked me if I could please explain this letter to him. I asked what he meant, since in my mind the letter seemed pretty self explanatory. He asked me about my captains mast and the things I had said there. I didn't know what to think of this guy since he was so calm. Unlike most of the other officers I had experienced this guy seemed to have a firm grasp on logic. After the question and answer portion he finally asked me if I wanted out of the military.

I think it was the first time someone had actually asked me that and expected an honest answer. It took me a moment, but I finally decided to open up to him. I told him "I did want out of the military, since the day I joined. But I had put my name on that enlistment form of my own free will. That was the only reason I had stayed in the navy. I put my name on that piece of paper and promised to defend my country to the best of my abilities. I had plenty of reasons and plenty of opportunities to get out, but I didn't. My name is my word, it is my bond of integrity, by putting my name on that paper I made a promise and my name is only as good as the promises I keep."


I then went on and told him that the Shiloh had put a stain on my name with innuendo, rumor and irresponsibility. "If that is the state that our military is in, where people can lie with no consequences. Where power hungry people have no checks put on them, and where one lie can spin so far out of control that it starts ruining people's lives, than I suppose my answer is yes, I want out of the navy."

"Ok. I will let you out of the military, and I will give you a general under honorable discharge. You will still have to do your time on restriction, but the day your restriction is over you will be processed out and released from service. Does that sound amenable to you?" He gave me what I was fighting for, and so my only response was "Yes sir."

I went back to TPU and went back on restriction. While I was on restriction the USS Shiloh officially transfered me to TPU, and true to her word as soon as TPU got all my paper work the CO of TPU expedited my release. I was about six days short of finishing my restriction when the CO of TPU said that my restriction was over and I needed to go to all the standard end of service appointments. Three days after that I was discharged from the United States Navy. I got in my car with everything I owned and after a brief stop at my parents house, I drove the 5 north to San Francisco.