During my time in the navy I had access to more medical attention than at any point previously in my life. I took advantage of the free medical benefits several times over my time in the service.
In boot camp, even though it didn't need to be done, I allowed them to remove all four of my wisdom teeth. I don't really remember it that well because as is usually the case, they had some damn fine drugs!
I remember their off the wall reason for wanting to remove my wisdom teeth despite the fact that none of them were impacted and they would have had plenty of room to come in due to the rather large gaps between all my front teeth. "There wont be any dentists in the field, and if you get stationed on a small ship it could be months between available dentists." So they took them out in boot camp on the off chance that they might have to come out eventually. Love it. Well, at least it got me four days in bed during one of the roughest weeks of boot camp... score!
I eventually got the dentist on base in San Diego to fix all those gaps with a bit of bonding... Always drove me crazy having all those gaps. Now they're gone and I didn't have to pay a cent!!
My friend Jennifer, that was stationed on base, went on leave for a couple weeks in February of 98 and when she came back I couldn't help but notice the change... While on leave she had gone from a "B" cup to a "D" cup. Being gay I thought her boobs were just fine the way they were. But when I noticed the change in her posture and body as well as in her attitudel I had to ask why.
She said that having bigger breasts has been on her mind for most of her adult life, and now that she was in the military she was finally in a position to do something about it. I asked her what she meant and so she told me about a little known rule that the military offers to its members, every member is entitled to one elective surgery.
Now, I'm sure the only reason this rule exists at all is because NO ONE knows about it. Well, and for this one very specific reason: They want their soldiers to be confident, and sometimes (as in Jennifer's' case) what it takes to build a soldiers confidence is a little change, be it mental or physical. So in short, Jennifer got her breast enlargement because the Navy Doctors thought it would help with her self confidence.
Well, regardless of the boobs, Jennifer was a very beautiful girl. So I secretly wondered if her looks, and not this hidden rule, had gotten her male Doctors to approve her surgery. So I figured, what the hell, I've got nothing to lose by trying!!
My nose had always been a bit of a bother through my adolescence and young adulthood. It was slightly crooked. I snored badly because of my inability to breath through my nose. I had a deviated septum, some loose floating cartilage deforming part of my lip. If you looked up the nostrils you could see the cartilage that was supposed to be attached to the skin but wasn't.
But the absolute worst thing about my nose, which pissed me off anytime anyone mentioned it, or made fun of it, was that if you tilted your head slightly, the bulbous curve of the nose combined with the cleft that ran down through the button of the nose looked to many people like the head of a penis. So yeah, I wanted to ask the doctor about fixing my cock-nose, and no, it didn't actually help me sniff out the cock, thanks for asking, and no you weren't the first.
So I went to Doctor number one and said "Doctor, I'm having trouble breathing through my nose." He looked at it and sent me on to Doctor number two who also looked and then conversed with Doctor number one, who then came back to me and said "we're going to have you go see an ENT Doctor over at the main hospital. So they made me an appointment and away I went.
Doctor David Bloom can only be described as a younger, better looking Anderson Cooper. Yeah... ponder that for a moment... just to see if it's possible to get a younger cuter Anderson Cooper. I could barley breath let alone talk to him, he was just sooooooooo dreamy. God, I still get butterflies thinking about how hot he was.
Ok, where was I... Oh, so Doctor Bloom asked me what the problem was, and I looked into his ice water blue eyes and said "Doctor, I'm having trouble breathing through my nose." He then touched my face for about 15 minutes while I tried every trick I could think of not to get aroused. Finally in his soft southern voice he says (whatever it was, I was too busy watching his lips to listen to him thoroughly), "...we'll get you into surgery next week and you will need two weeks off from the boat for recovery."
The day of the surgery rolled around and my bestie Stacey drove down from MV to bring me home to my parents house for the two weeks of recovery. I remember very little of the surgery except that I was conscience and talking to the surgeon. When it was all over they wheeled me into the reception room so Stacey could take me home, and Dr Bloom knelt down and gave me my prescription for the pain and some instructions on how to take care of my nose in the mean time...
Right after surgery when the patient is cracked out of his gourd on the anesthetic drugs is probably NOT the best time to give a person detailed instructions. So when my two weeks had gone by and I went back to Dr. Bloom for my check up he chided me in that cute southern voice that I didn't heed his instructions... to which I replied, "what instructions?"
After he had removed the splints from my nose and it fell into it's permanent position, there was a knock on the door and in came the surgeon that had actually done my nose. Another good looking man, boy did I get stationed at the wrong place!! He came in looked at my nose, and then took a seat so I could look him right in the face. Then he said "I don't normally do the follow up interview, but I had to come and talk to you when you were sober."
Instantly panic started going through my head... This was why I didn't drink, I had to remain in control of my mouth, Don't ask, Don't tell was a new law and I had no idea what I had said under the influence of all those drugs... God I hoped I hadn't said anything incriminating, because although they were Doctors, they were also Military Officers and if I had come out or hit on them while I was under... well, you can see where my mind wanted to go...
But he looked at me and continued "I had to come and talk to you sober, because I'm telling you, I have never laughed so hard in all my life." I stared at him with a blank look of confusion, so he went on "You don't remember any of it? Man, we gave you that local anesthetic and normally that makes people zone out, but you, man you were in it every step of the way... Eyes open, talking, telling jokes, man, you made me laugh so hard I almost botched your nose... TWICE!!"
In boot camp, even though it didn't need to be done, I allowed them to remove all four of my wisdom teeth. I don't really remember it that well because as is usually the case, they had some damn fine drugs!
I remember their off the wall reason for wanting to remove my wisdom teeth despite the fact that none of them were impacted and they would have had plenty of room to come in due to the rather large gaps between all my front teeth. "There wont be any dentists in the field, and if you get stationed on a small ship it could be months between available dentists." So they took them out in boot camp on the off chance that they might have to come out eventually. Love it. Well, at least it got me four days in bed during one of the roughest weeks of boot camp... score!
I eventually got the dentist on base in San Diego to fix all those gaps with a bit of bonding... Always drove me crazy having all those gaps. Now they're gone and I didn't have to pay a cent!!
My friend Jennifer, that was stationed on base, went on leave for a couple weeks in February of 98 and when she came back I couldn't help but notice the change... While on leave she had gone from a "B" cup to a "D" cup. Being gay I thought her boobs were just fine the way they were. But when I noticed the change in her posture and body as well as in her attitudel I had to ask why.
She said that having bigger breasts has been on her mind for most of her adult life, and now that she was in the military she was finally in a position to do something about it. I asked her what she meant and so she told me about a little known rule that the military offers to its members, every member is entitled to one elective surgery.
Now, I'm sure the only reason this rule exists at all is because NO ONE knows about it. Well, and for this one very specific reason: They want their soldiers to be confident, and sometimes (as in Jennifer's' case) what it takes to build a soldiers confidence is a little change, be it mental or physical. So in short, Jennifer got her breast enlargement because the Navy Doctors thought it would help with her self confidence.
Well, regardless of the boobs, Jennifer was a very beautiful girl. So I secretly wondered if her looks, and not this hidden rule, had gotten her male Doctors to approve her surgery. So I figured, what the hell, I've got nothing to lose by trying!!
My nose had always been a bit of a bother through my adolescence and young adulthood. It was slightly crooked. I snored badly because of my inability to breath through my nose. I had a deviated septum, some loose floating cartilage deforming part of my lip. If you looked up the nostrils you could see the cartilage that was supposed to be attached to the skin but wasn't.
But the absolute worst thing about my nose, which pissed me off anytime anyone mentioned it, or made fun of it, was that if you tilted your head slightly, the bulbous curve of the nose combined with the cleft that ran down through the button of the nose looked to many people like the head of a penis. So yeah, I wanted to ask the doctor about fixing my cock-nose, and no, it didn't actually help me sniff out the cock, thanks for asking, and no you weren't the first.
So I went to Doctor number one and said "Doctor, I'm having trouble breathing through my nose." He looked at it and sent me on to Doctor number two who also looked and then conversed with Doctor number one, who then came back to me and said "we're going to have you go see an ENT Doctor over at the main hospital. So they made me an appointment and away I went.
Doctor David Bloom can only be described as a younger, better looking Anderson Cooper. Yeah... ponder that for a moment... just to see if it's possible to get a younger cuter Anderson Cooper. I could barley breath let alone talk to him, he was just sooooooooo dreamy. God, I still get butterflies thinking about how hot he was.
Ok, where was I... Oh, so Doctor Bloom asked me what the problem was, and I looked into his ice water blue eyes and said "Doctor, I'm having trouble breathing through my nose." He then touched my face for about 15 minutes while I tried every trick I could think of not to get aroused. Finally in his soft southern voice he says (whatever it was, I was too busy watching his lips to listen to him thoroughly), "...we'll get you into surgery next week and you will need two weeks off from the boat for recovery."
The day of the surgery rolled around and my bestie Stacey drove down from MV to bring me home to my parents house for the two weeks of recovery. I remember very little of the surgery except that I was conscience and talking to the surgeon. When it was all over they wheeled me into the reception room so Stacey could take me home, and Dr Bloom knelt down and gave me my prescription for the pain and some instructions on how to take care of my nose in the mean time...
Right after surgery when the patient is cracked out of his gourd on the anesthetic drugs is probably NOT the best time to give a person detailed instructions. So when my two weeks had gone by and I went back to Dr. Bloom for my check up he chided me in that cute southern voice that I didn't heed his instructions... to which I replied, "what instructions?"
After he had removed the splints from my nose and it fell into it's permanent position, there was a knock on the door and in came the surgeon that had actually done my nose. Another good looking man, boy did I get stationed at the wrong place!! He came in looked at my nose, and then took a seat so I could look him right in the face. Then he said "I don't normally do the follow up interview, but I had to come and talk to you when you were sober."
Instantly panic started going through my head... This was why I didn't drink, I had to remain in control of my mouth, Don't ask, Don't tell was a new law and I had no idea what I had said under the influence of all those drugs... God I hoped I hadn't said anything incriminating, because although they were Doctors, they were also Military Officers and if I had come out or hit on them while I was under... well, you can see where my mind wanted to go...
But he looked at me and continued "I had to come and talk to you sober, because I'm telling you, I have never laughed so hard in all my life." I stared at him with a blank look of confusion, so he went on "You don't remember any of it? Man, we gave you that local anesthetic and normally that makes people zone out, but you, man you were in it every step of the way... Eyes open, talking, telling jokes, man, you made me laugh so hard I almost botched your nose... TWICE!!"
The three of us had a few more laughs as he recounted my altered wit and finished checking my nose. The floating cartilage that had always given me such a perfect ability to imitate the Elvis upper lip had been removed so my lips now worked perfectly and my nose became very Roman (or so people have told me ever since). The absolute best part of this experience... well other than the two beautiful doctors, was the fact that I didn't have to pay a single cent for my nose and teeth. You did.
So, I guess I should take this opportunity to say Thank you to all of you who were paying your taxes in 1998, not only did you pay my salary, but you also paid for my teeth and my fabulous new nose, not to mention Jenn's big boobs!
Haha, Isn't life just the most interesting trip??
So, I guess I should take this opportunity to say Thank you to all of you who were paying your taxes in 1998, not only did you pay my salary, but you also paid for my teeth and my fabulous new nose, not to mention Jenn's big boobs!
Haha, Isn't life just the most interesting trip??
1 comment:
I would've totally effed you in the navy. I'm just saying.
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